He is the sunlight
by redrccm
Summary: Natasha and Steve were opposites, he was the healing and she was the pain, he was tomorrow and she was today. Still, the woman who was trained her entire life not to have feelings, found herself falling for a man who didn't belong to her. And if the right thing to do was to leave him, she would rather be wrong. Because he was the sunlight in her life and the sun was gone.
1. The Mission

"What do you want us to be?" She had asked Steve looking away from the landscape and into his eyes.

"What about friends?" Was his reply.

A few days from then, that reply would've been enough for her, but somehow it wasn't now. That kiss, it had awakened something in her, something she had buried so very deep within her: emotions. To be honest, her life was a turmoil of emotions the past few day because of Fury, Steve and Bucky. James Buchanan, Bucky, Barnes a.k.a the Winter Soldier, her trainer back in the Red Room and her former lover. Apparently, her past was resurfacing, coming back to haunt her.

Natasha Romanoff, was trained not to get attached, not to have any sort of emotions towards anyone. She never did, not even with Clint, not even with Logan or even Alexei Shostakov- she had loved him, yes, but not fully. In about 86 years of life, she had never failed to execute what she had learned in her years of training. Then why now, in the middle of a cold winter night, in her plain apartment, in her bed she thought of Captain Steve Rogers? Why did the way he smiled when talking about the "nurse" hurt her so much? It wasn't the first time that it happened and she had managed not to let it show, besides, when was a man as oblivious as Steve ever going to notice a woman's interest in him? Natasha was almost sure she had given him his first kiss since 1945.

With a sigh Natasha rolled in bed so she was facing the window instead of the ceiling. The small white snowflakes that hit the glass reminded her of Russia, memories she had worked so hard to forget now haunted her once more, her perfectly methodical life was now falling apart. And it all started with a kiss. She couldn't care less about S.H.I.E.L.D or H.Y.D.R.A, she only saw them as jobs, as a chance for her to make her ledger clean at last. That night, for more that Natasha wanted to sleep, she wasn't able to do so, she rolled in her bed searching for a more comfortable position until she gave up and accepted she wouldn't grab any sleep that night/morning.

~X~

When the first ray of sunlight broke through her window, she got up from the bed and had a hot shower- something she wasn't used to do, but it was too cold for her to have a freezing shower as always. Then she made herself breakfast, ate it quickly and swallowed all with a small shot of vodka before leaving for walk, hoping to clear her mind. Washington was a nice city, very dangerous but nice. She liked the Smithsonian, she had been there two or three times already. It had been hard to find a new identity, she was using the name Catherine Lund. Natasha didn't miss her life as an agent, everything was much calmer now, she had found herself a new routine, joined an academy to keep in shape and practice martial arts. Since she had a big fund from the money she had saved through many years of work, there was no need for her to work.

Natasha sat in a bench staring at the reflecting pool near the Capitol appreciating the view and the feeling of the snowflakes against her skin. She was all by herself, there were very few people who adventured themselves out in the cold. Being Russian, she had always appreciated low temperatures. They brought back memories, mostly bad memories, but it was an inexplicably good angst. She was just starting to sink in them when her phone, the secured S.H.I.E.L.D line, which she used to communicate with Fury rang. She didn't actually know why she carried it around, maybe she was scared that something might happen to her ex-colleagues and she wouldn't be there to help them

"Agent Romanoff." Fury's voice spoke from the other side of the line.

"Not agent anymore, Nick. Just Natasha." She replied with a sigh.

"Very well, Natasha, I have a mission for you." He said, "We still have to capture some of the ex Hydra commanders. We are almost done with hunting them, but there is one we cannot seem to get our hands on. The most important of them all, the one who could give us a lot of information. I was thinking of sending you and Steve to get him."

Natasha's first instinct was to say no, but the perspective of working with Steve once more, of seeing his bright smile and the spark that lit up in his eyes. That was too good for her to refuse, "Okay, I'll take the mission. Where do I meet you?". He gave her an address and she memorized it.

"I'm heading there now, meet you in about half an hour."

"You have fifteen minutes."

~X~

Just as Fury had ordered, she arrived in fifteen minutes there, she only stopped by her apartment to get her guns and knives in case there was an emergency and her catsuit if she had to leave immediately on a field mission, as she expected, inside the underground secret base- S.H.I.E.L.D liked those- there was a secret passage that led to a completely isolated room where there were only three people, Maria, Steve and Fury.

"Natasha!" Fury exclaimed and walked towards her, "It's so good to have you back."

"It's a pleasure to work with you again, Natasha." Steve smiled at her that perfect smile of his that made her smile back. Maria only nodded at her and continued working on whatever she was doing before her arrival.

"I missed you guys." She muttered, the shyest of smiles on her lips "Now, let us get to work." _'We have no time for feelings' _She added silently to herself.

Fury threw a thick folder with a lot of files on which the capital letters G.V were written in red sharpie. She opened it and sat down as her quick eyes scanned the pages absorbing all the information she might need. The man's name was Gerhad Verhoeven was one of the H.Y.D.R.A leaders, he was born in Germany, but his parents were Dutch. He was also one of the Nazi leaders back in the 40's. Somehow, he had managed to keep looking as good as he did back then. Apparently, they had managed to develop a variation of the serum just as the Russians had. He was a potential threat and was hiding in Russia.

"Russia." Natasha muttered, she was going to go back to her homeland.

"Yes, Natasha, Russia." Fury replied, he understood her.

"Very well, I'll speak to some of my underground Russian contacts and see if they know anything about it before we leave. Give me... one hour." With those words, she started typing on her phone extremely quickly. She refused to let her past get in the way of that mission.

"Okay. You leave today in about four hours." Fury told them checking his watch, "I hope that's enough time to pack your stuff."

"I've already packed." Natasha told him pointing at her bag.

"Excellent." Fury nodded in approval. "I left some gifts for you at the hotel, you might need them so you can mix in with the target."

"I'm sorry, Nick, but no one has heard or seen him yet, perhaps later on the mission they might give us some useful information." She announced and locked her phone.

"If that's the case, then you can leave right away." Fury told them. "You must go to the airport now. Good luck, Agents."

"Nick." She gave him a small nod before leaving.

"Do you mind giving me a ride, Steve?" She asked when they were outside once more.

"'f course not, Nat." He replied with a smile and signaled to his Harley Davidson.

"Thanks." She hopped on and they left to the airport.


	2. Fear of Flying

The ride to the airport had been fairly quick and Natasha wished it hadn't . All the way there she had rested her head against his back and enjoyed his scent with her eyes closed. She had to admit that a motorcycle wasn't the best vehicle for them to use during a snowy day, but it was better than nothing. She knew that seducing him when he was in love with another woman was wrong and still she allowed herself to indulge on those few moments she had with him. After all, she was the Black Widow, it didn't matter if it was wrong or right, her job, the only ting that was taught to her her entire life was how to seduce men and crash their hopes later on- and perhaps extracting a bit of information and stealing some money.

While her bag was very small and she carried only the necessary, Steve's was quite bigger, for he had to make his shield fit. And, even with the system Stark had developed for the shield to retreat and become of a smaller, more portable, size, it still wasn't as small as her catsuit and guns and he had to carry a less practical bag. They made their way into the airport and she could feel everyone's eyes on her. Steve, he managed to blend in with his typical American look, but Natasha couldn't. Her red hair and pale white skin made it almost impossible to. The fact that she had appeared on television didn't help either.

Under the curious and accusing glances of everyone, she kept her head low and cast her eyes right to the ground as she made her way quickly through the crowd. Natasha and Steve were opposites, he was beautiful, and he managed to blend in and sparkle at the same time while she only called attention to herself, undesired attention. Natasha and Steve made her way towards the airplane strip. They showed their ids and went straight to a comfortable jet, nothing like the ones she was used to to take. Perhaps Tony had found a way of mixing both comfort and practicality when it came to planes. Steve made sure to take the place on the window right next to her.

"Hey, Tasha." He greeted her with a smile looking away from the window, "Whassup? You haven't said much."

She couldn't help but smile back and chuckle lightly, hearing him using a slang was too funny not to. "Nothing much, Steve. Just living a normal life, that's what I wanted after all."

He nodded , he got her, "Yeah, me too. I sorta miss the excitement of fighting though. Don't you?"

"I'm not going to lie, I really don't. When you spend as much time as I did fighting people and spying and stuff like that you really don't miss it."

"I guess you're right. Why did you accept the offer then?"

Natasha couldn't tell him the truth. What would she tell him, then? The liar was, for once in her life, without excuses, "I needed to. How could I refuse an offer, especially one coming from Nick?" She told him shrugging lightly.

"Yeah, I would've done the same." He replied and she swore she was able to see a hint of sadness in his eyes, still, why would he be sad? He had no reason to. "Have you found anything else about this... G.V. Guy?"

"No, unfortunately not, he has a good cover, Gerhard." She muttered more to herself than as a reply to his question. She checked her phone once more, "I think we're going to take over now."

"I hate take overs. No, I hate flying." He groaned and shifted uncomfortably on his seat.

"Still haven't grown used to planes?" She asked, an amused smile played on her lips as she fastened her seat belt.

"I guess." Natasha was able to notice how hard he was gripping the armrests of his and her seat as the plane started to move, even small droplets of sweat started to gather on his forehead right above his eyebrows. He was the picture of nervousness himself.

"Hey." She spoke as softly as she could and placed her hand over his, "I'm here with you, don't you worry."

For her surprise, he didn't move his hand away, he even seemed to slightly relax under her touch. He took deep breaths in an attempt to calm himself down. "I'll save you if need be." She told him and heard him laugh, still tense, but it was better than nothing. "Besides, if you're so nervous you won't even be able to sleep, the best thing you can do is drink something or try to get some sleep. It always works with me."

Natasha heard him breath in and out deeply and slowly, his tension was almost palpable and, from the moment the takeoff started until the moment it was over, then she watched as he took a couple deep breaths and closed his eyes. It only took him a few minutes to fall asleep. Natasha envied him, she wished she had the same ability of relaxing as he did, but she was too used not to fall asleep so easily. Still, she felt safe by his side.

_'One, two, three' _She counted mentally the deep breaths she took with her eyes closed. She was tired from not having slept the night before, so it took her half the effort she would normally have to make to fall asleep.

Their flight to Russia took around seven hours since the S.H.I.E.L.D jets were almost supersonic, their trip was shortened in about three hours. Normally, Natasha would be thankful for that, but she wanted to sleep just a little longer. When the landing was announced, she woke up and lazily stretched, being careful not to wake Steve up. Then she grabbed her suitcase and went to the bathroom to change into warmer clothes. She had been a long time away from Russia, but one thing Natasha hadn't forgotten was how cold the winter was there.

She put her catsuit underneath her clothes, her guns went underneath the thick layer of clothing she wore, a white wolf skin coat with a long sleeved plain black shirt. She washed her face and ran a hand through her medium length fiery red hair. Finally, she was going somewhere she would be able to blend in.

When she got back, Steve was already awake and staring at the window. Small snowflakes gathered all around the glass. He sighed and pressed his forehead to the cold glass. She took her time in watching him there knowing she was so silent and discreet he wouldn't even notice her presence there. His blond hair was messy and she thought it looked even more adorable that way. Even so slowly, she made her way back to her seat and sat by his side.

"Did you sleep well?" She asked him.

"Yeah, and you?" He replied looking away from the window and smiling at her, that adorable smile of his that made her heart skip a beat, the one she had missed while she was gone, the same one she thought she wouldn't ever see again.

"Me too. We're almost landing." She said looking through the window.

"Russia." He muttered.

"Yeah, Russia." She echoed in a murmur. She was back to her homeland. The same place she avoided going to. "Well, I'm going to check my phone to see if I got some more information on Verhoeven." She told him and turned on her phone. "If you plan on changing, I suggest you do it now. You might not have time to do so later."

He took her suggestion and got up making his way to the bathroom. While he was away, she stared out of the window. The lights of the city shone in the dark night. She was going back to her homeland, the place she had avoided her entire life. Perhaps, after all that happened, after all those years, she was finally ready to face her past once more.


	3. Welcome to Moscow

Natasha moved her gaze away from the window and stood when Steve came back from the bathroom. As there was more than enough space for him to pass without her having to move, there was no need for her to stand, but she insisted on doing that. She wanted to stretch her muscles and have a better look at the plane. Steve wore a black overcoat made of wool and fur, a cashmere black turtleneck shirt, leather gloves and black pants. He looked good.

Steve sat by her side and buckled the seat belt, Natasha mimicked his movements and the pilot announced they were landing in about three minutes. It was almost funny to see how a few words were able to make Steve so nervous. Again he gripped the armrest tightly and, once more, she placed her hand softly on top of his and gave him a reassuring smile. Even if it was almost unnoticeable, Natasha saw Steve relax slightly. The plane started to go down and, finally it landed. They were officially in Russian ground.

Natasha sighed and got her bag when the door of the plane opened. She wondered how everything was going to work out with her being on the television and all that. Being an ex-KGB agent, she was sure the government wouldn't be happy with her. It didn't matter that she thought herself American, it didn't matter that she had American citizenship, the blood in her veins was Russian and the language she spoke was Russian.

The moment she stepped out of the plane she was reminded of how severe the Russian winter could be. The cold wind hit her face carrying a lot of snowflakes and almost cut her skin like sharp daggers. They landed on the Sheremetyevo Airport, the one that was nearest to Moscow. Natasha didn't realize, but she spent around three minutes staring at the void, the dark gray winter sky of Russia, the same she trained countless times under. Then her phone beeped, a message from one of her contacts.

_'Информация о Г.В' – Information on G.V_

She waited for another moment before a much longer text was sent.

_'Высокая патент военные. - High patent military._

_пребывания в Никольской Kempinski. - staying at the Nikolskaya Kempinski._

_Работа на подземной базе в Подмосковье. - Working on an underground base outside Moscow._

_Отправляясь в Большом театре сегодня вечером - Going to the Bolshoi Theater tonight_

_Питание в Балчуг Кемпински сразу после - Dining at the Baltschug Kempinski right after'_

Before replying, she bought two tickets for the Bolshoi Theater and reserved a table at the Baltschug Kempinski for two. She and Steve were part of the high society that night.

When they entered the car that was taking them to the hotel she continued messaging her informant:

_'Что он работал? - What is he working on?'_

She only had to wait a few seconds before the frustrating text appeared on the screen:

_'Не знаю, извините. – Don't know, sorry.'_

Natasha groaned and Steve looked at her confused.

"What is it, Nat?"

"I just got some info on Gerhad. Apparently, he is a high patent military, he's staying on a five star hotel near the center of Moscow, near ours. I know he's working on something on an underground base outside Moscow, but I don't know what's he's doing." She told him everything she knew, "Oh, and as soon as we get there, we're going shopping, we'll have a busy night."

"Oh yeah?" An amused smile perked on the man's lips, "And is it that you have in mind for us?"

"Tonight, we're watching the Bolshoi Ballet and we're dining at one of the most luxurious restaurants I the world." She informed him, those kinds of missions were her favorite ones, after all, she could drink and eat well- and even amuse herself slightly- on high society programs and S.H.I.E.L.D was paying for everything. "Tonight, Captain Rogers, we are part of the high society."

"Oh, wow." He muttered.

"You remember your Id, right?" She asked him for the hundredth time since they got in the car.

"Yes, I'm Alex Cooper and you're Natalia Alianovna. We're married and we live in St. Petersburg, but we came here to shop and enjoy the city."

"Great." Natasha smiled at him, Steve was a fast learner, she liked that.

**~X~**

Verhoeven being a part of the high society was apparently no surprise for Nick Fury, who booked one room for both, Natasha and Steve at one of the best hotels in Moscow, right near the one from their target. The National hotel was a 5 star hotel near the center of Moscow. From their room, they were able to see the Kremlin. It was near all the good stores, Chanel, YSL, Prada and the jewelry stores too.

When they arrived at the hotel, she noticed how Steve looked impressed at the building, so she whispered, "Try to act like you're used to this. We're part of the high society, remember?"

They entered the luxurious lobby and went directly to the place where they were checking in. The attendant looked at Natasha and asked, _"Я могу помочь вам ничего мадам? - Can I help you with anything, madam?"_

"_Ах, да, пожалуйста.- Oh, yes, please." _Natasha smiled and faked an accent from St. Petersburg, _"Мой муж и я только что прибыл из ст. Петербург и у нас есть набор заказал, Кремль люкс, если я не ошибаюсь. - My husband and I just arrived from St. Petersburg and we have a suite booked, the Kremlin Suite, if I'm not mistaken."_

"_Ах, да! Мы ожидали вас, мистер. и мс … - Oh, yes! We were expecting you, mr and ms..."_

"_Alianovna, Наталья Alianovna. Это мой муж Алексей. Он американец, так что он не говорит по-русски – Alianovna, Natalia Alianovna. This is my husband, Alexei. He's American, so he doesn't speak Russian." _Natasha knew Fury had used her old name. She didn't even remember the last time she had introduced herself as such, perhaps in 1930... Who knew?

"_Я попрошу одного из слуг, чтобы взять вас в вашу комнату. Пожалуйста, мисс Alianovna, наслаждаться своим отдыхом. - I'll ask one of the servants to take you to your room. Please, miss Alianovna, enjoy your stay."_

"_Да, спасибо вам большое. - Yes, thank you very much."_

The name Alianovna in Russia held much power. Natasha, she came from a very rich family. Her mother and father had died in a fire and only her had survived, but, surely, she had other relatives around the world and it would be no surprise to her if she met one of them while in Moscow.

"_Простите, мисс Alianovna, pазве у вас нет любые сумки? - Excuse me, Miss Alianovna, do you not have any bags?" _Another servant asked, probably the one who was taking them to their room.

"_Нет, я не делаю. Меня и моего мужа, мы здесь, чтобы делать покупки и наслаждаться городом. - No, I do not. Me and my husband, we're here to shop and enjoy the city." _Natasha replied.

"_Очень хорошо, позвольте мне взять вас в вашу комнату – Very well, allow me to take you to your room." _The man started making his way to the elevator and Natasha followed him, not without calling for Steve first.

"Alex! Alex, hun, come here, the servant is going to take us to our room." She called, in her words, bled a very heavy Russian Accent.

"Coming." He followed her and the servant into the elevator.

**~X~**

They had the best room in the entire hotel. The view was to the Kremlin and the room was immense. It was divided in two parts, the bedroom and the living room, both decorated in a vintage style, just like a palace. The bedroom was a suite and there was an enormous bathroom with a bathtub. In a corner of the room, there was a closed filled with clothes of the latest fashion- a small gift from the Director. The living room had a small table, a couple of sofa's and, facing the door that led to the bedroom, there was a big mirror whose frame was entirely decorated in gold. In all of the many windows, there was a balcony. Now, the parapets of the balconies were completely covered in white because of the snow and so was the entire city.

When the servant closed the double doors behind him, Natasha looked at Steve expectantly and asked, "So, mr. Cooper, how are you enjoying Moscow."

"I like it very much, Miss Alianovna. Now, shall we go shopping as you suggested earlier?" He replied falling into character.

"Let's go. Let me just grab my purse." She smiled and got her purse which she had left on the sofa, secured their luggage in the closed and locked it with an unbreakable lock that Tony had created for them before they left. Before eight o'clock, they had a whole lot of shopping to do.


	4. A night in the high society

They left the room just as soon as they entered and made their way to the streets. Natasha had never been in that part of Moscow for shopping before. In fact, she had never gone shopping in Moscow before. The leaders of the Red Room were scared that she'd run away. Even with all the tracking devices, if she wanted to run away, she could hide for an undetermined amount of time and no one could find her unless she wanted to be found.

It was a first time experience for both, Natasha and Steve, only that the man had never actually entered any high couture stores, not in Moscow not anywhere.

"So, Nat, where do we start?" Steve asked as they started walking down the street. He raised the collar of his overcoat.

"Um... I think we should start with looking for a suit for you." Natasha said. She and Steve would have to keep in character. "Alex, dear, why don't we go there." She pointed to a store, Emenergildo Zegna.

"Of course." Steve offered her his arm and she took it. Natasha knew it was all part of an act, but, for as long as they were undercover, they were acting as a couple and, she didn't care if it was all a lie. At least, she would have lived the best days of her life by the side of the man she loved.

They entered the store, it was almost empty and, very soon there was an attendant by their side.

"_Спокойной ночи, я могу помочь вам с чем-либо? - Good night, can I help you with anyhting?" _The man asked. "_Могу ли я взять ваши пальто? - Can I take your coats?"_

"_Да, пожалуйста. Мой муж имеет назначение здесь, Алекс Купер. Это могло бы также быть под названием Alex Alianov – Yes, please. My husband had an appointment here, Alex Cooper. It might as well be under the name Alex Alianov._" She told him with a smile, "_Мы здесь, чтобы забрать иск. - We're here to pick up a suit."_

Natasha watched carefully as the man looked through the pages of his agenda. Then he stopped at a page and looked at them. The look in his eyes was completely different that time. _"Конечно, пожалуйста, пойдем со мной – Of course, come with me, please." _The man nodded and took them to a more private place in the store and offered them a drink while a woman brought them a suit.

"Would you like to try it on, dear?" Natasha asked him.

"Yes, I would." Steve went to the cabin to change. When he got out, he was wearing a very nicely tailored suit. It fit him perfectly. "It's great." He said after looking at himself carefully in the mirror.

"You look beautiful, love." Natasha told him smiling and looked for a check in her purse. She signed it with a much practiced and round calligraphy and handed the attendant while Steve went back to the dressing room and came back with his clothes. The woman who was also helping them quickly entered the changing room and came back with the suit Steve had tried on in a bag. "_Большое спасибо. спокойной ночи – Thank you very much, good night." _Natasha said and her and Steve walked to the door, always followed by the attendants that helped them with their coats and opened the door for the influential Alianov couple.

"I think I'm going for a Prada." Natasha muttered thoughtfully as they walked down the street. She never looked away from the shop windows, "Perhaps Versace. What do you think, Alex?"

"I'm sorry, Natalia dear, but I don't know much about this." He apologized.

"It's okay." She nodded and decided on Versace.

Their winter collection was beautiful and she chose a long black silken dress that marked her beautiful curves and only exposed a bit of her cleavage and her arms. For the cold, she was offered a black rabbit fur stole. The darkness of her clothes made her skin glow and her hair looked even more beautiful. The outfit itself was very simple, it was designed to make the person wearing it stand out in the crowd. Natasha was to shine and not the dress.

Before going back to the hotel, they stopped at a jewelry store and she bought herself a beautiful necklace made of white gold and diamonds and a matching set of earrings. She noticed how Steve seemed not to be able to take his eyes off her, but she convinced herself that it was just part of their cover.

**~X~**

Natasha had little time to relax on the immense bathtub they had in the room, because the ballet was at Eight o'clock and they arrived back in the hotel at seven p.m sharp. She had little time to straighten her hair and put on makeup, so she simply used her natural curls. With her hair longer, she looked even prettier. While Steve was in the bathroom, she put on her makeup and her clothes.

When he got out of the bathroom, Natasha was staring sadly out of the window. She had one of her hands placed in the cold glass. She had walked countless times down those streets. It was as if nothing had changed.

"Wow..." Steve said making her turn around. "You look... Wow."

"Thanks, Steve. You too. You look amazing." She smiled at his compliment and walked towards the bed they were going to share and reached for her long gloves. She had not thought about that, but they would have to share the bed. Once they started the mission, going out to meet with Verhoeven, there would be spies everywhere to monitor all of their movements, see if they were an actual couple, what meant that they would have to act like a real couple.

Over his suit, Steve wore a thick long coat to protect him from the cold. Natasha was already used to it, but he wasn't. Before they left to the Bolshoi Ballet, Natasha hid her guns and a few knives under the long skirt of the dress. It was good to be prepared.

**~X~**

There was a black sedan to take them to the Ballet, when they got there, there were dozens of couples all dressed the same way. Steve got down of the car first and opened the door for her before helping her out. She took his arm and they climbed the slippery marble staircase that led inside. Perhaps, she gripped his arm just a bit tighter than she should have, but she didn't mind and Steve seemed not to mind either.

As soon as they entered the richly decorated room where they were going to wait before going to their respective boxes, from where they were watching the ballet, Natasha saw their target. He was a good looking man, strong, not like the many billionaires she had had to seduce countless times before. He was accompanied by a beautiful blonde woman. Gerhad Verhoeven was a good looking man, he was tall, muscular and had black hair and deep green eyes. He locked eyes with her and smiled a charming smile. He started making his way towards them. There was no recognition of her in neither his or any one else's eyes, so she relaxed slightly.

"Hello." He complimented Steve and Natasha. He spoke with a German accent. "I am Gerhad. Nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, mr. Gerhad." Natasha smiled at him and kissed him on the cheek, a Russian costume. "I'm Natalia."

"And I'm Alex, her husband." Steve introduced himself and shook his hand. His grip moved from her arm to her waist and he pulled her slightly closer. He was a good actor. "Nice to meet you."

"You are not from around here, are you?"

"Oh, no. My husband and I are from St. Petersburg. Actually, I was born here but we moved there."

"Ah, ja!" He exclaimed, "I see. Well, I hope you enjoy yourselves tonight. And, if you wish to join me for dinner tonight, feel free to do so."

"I'm so very sorry, Mr. Gerhrad, but me and my wife are already dining at the Baltschug Kempinskiright after the Ballet." Steve apologized.

"Such a coincidence. I am also going there tonight. Well, I hope to meet you there." He flashed them a smile, "Good night for you, I must go now."

"For you too." Natasha kissed him on the cheek once more and he turned around and left.

The ballet that night was the Swan Lake and Natasha watched as Steve marveled at the synchrony of the moves of the ballerinas. The man seemed happy, but Natasha wasn't. There were too many memories brought back by that spectacle. She saw many of the companions cry, so she too cried, burying her face on Steve's arm.

"Nat." He whispered concerned, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She replied, her voice held no emotion, "Just acting."

"Oh, okay."

She looked to Verhoeven's box on the other side of the place, it was the one opposite to theirs. He was staring right at her. "Steve." She whispered and he looked at her, "Kiss me."

"What?!" He gasped surprised.

"Just kiss me." Her tone was more demanding than the last time.

"O-okay." Steve nodded and, with featherlight touch took her face in his hands and kissed her softly.

Natasha sighed in content at the feeling of his soft lips on top of hers and, involuntarily wrapped her hands around his neck. Then he broke the kiss. They simply couldn't start making out in the middle of the spetacle.

"Nat," Steve asked, "What was that?"

"Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable, remember?" Natasha replied looking at him and hoping she would have to explain no more. Hopefully Steve was smart enough and understood what she had just said.

**~X~**

When they arrived at the restaurant, Natasha went to the maitre and told him about the reservation she had made earlier that night.

"Miss... Alianovna?" He looked at her and, as Natasha was already expecting, their treatment was a lot better than before. Then a voice coming from behind her echoed.

"Alianovna?" That German accent was unmistakable, Verhoeven. "Natalia Alianovna?"

"Yes, why?" She turned to face him, he was with the same group of people, probably very influential people from H.Y.D.R.A and felt a chill go down her spine but smiled anyway. He might be familiar with her old name. If he was, then their cover was over.

"Nothing, it's a beautiful name." Then he took her hand in his and kissed it, "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Very suiting."

"Thank you very much, Mr. Gerhad." She forced herself to blush. Had that kiss not been enough for him to realize that she was "married" to Steve.

"I repeat my invitation, would you both care to join me for dinner?" He invited.

"Of course." Steve replied and, once more, took hold of Natasha's waist possessively.

They all sat at a big table near the window. Verhoeven was at the head of the table, he insisted that Natasha sat by his right side and, by her side, was Steve. To his left, his companions sat. They all wore nicely tailored suits and Natasha figured they must work in H.Y.D.R.A too, high patent military people.

They all spoke quickly in German, Natasha understood all they were saying, but Steve clearly wasn't getting a word of their conversation.

"They're debating whether they should trust us or not." She whispered in his ear and he nodded smiling at her, as if she'd just said something very pleasant in his ear.

"Why not let the girl choose the drink?" A man who she identified to be a general suddenly said.

"Of course." Verhoeven smiled, "What do you suggest, Natalia?"

"Um... A rose champagne, a crystal rosé." She suggested letting her feminine side take control, she had always loved rosé champagne, a Louis Roederer cristal rose brut millesime champagne. What do you think?"

The waiter that was serving them was called and they asked for the champagne. The man poured a bit of the champagne in Verhoeven's glass and he took a sip from it before smiling in approval. "Great choice, Natalia." The waiter poured them the drink.

**~X~**

The food was good, but the dinner itself was very boring. Natasha pretended to be amused and laughed at all the jokes that were made no matter how bad they were. When they were back in the room, she asked Steve. "Can you help me unzip the dress?"

"Sure." At his reply, she turned around and allowed him to unzip the dress. Slowly, the zipper went down and she could feel his fingers brush lightly against her back and it sent shivers down her spine, pleasant shivers. It stopped right below her waist. "I'll give you some more privacy now, Nat."

"Thanks, Steve." She nodded and finished undressing before putting on her pajamas.

When she opened the double doors that led to the living room, she found Steve sitting on the couch and staring at the fireplace right in front of it.

"Nat." He turned around when he heard her light footsteps.

She sat by his side and rested her head on his shoulder as she watching the crackling fire. "Steve, you know they're watching us, right?"

"Yes, I do." He replied sighing.

"And you know that sooner or later we'll have to act like a real couple, right?"

"I do." He muttered, she could see the faint blush on his cheeks.

"It doesn't have to be tonight, Steve. We'll have to share the bed though."

He laughed at her comment and nodded, "Come on, Nat. Let's grab some sleep."

"Tomorrow," She told him following Steve into the bedroom, "I'll take you to eat some real good Russian food. I know the best places."


	5. Just an act

_'Где за пределами Москвы? - Where outside Moscow?'_ She typed.

'_Ярославская область, 58 ° 52 'с.ш. 43 º 32' - Yaroslavl Oblast, 58º 52' N 43º 32 E' _Was the reply.

Natasha read it and turned off the phone turning in bed. Steve's presence was soothing, she felt safe near him. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. He was facing her, the covers were just above his waist and he the only thing covering his chest was the thin fabric of a white shirt – not that she could say much about his clothing since she wore only a thin and short satin gown. The room temperature was comfortably set at 23 ºC.

Natasha rolled in bed, she couldn't sleep. Another night without sleep. She was growing used to that. Natasha uncovered herself and silently made her way to the living room. The wood was cold under her feet and it sent shivers down her spine but she didn't mind. Soon enough, she was going to be warm again. There was a drink kart in a corner of the living room with the best Russian Vodka, Sibirskaya Strong Vodka.

Natasha took the bottle in her hands and sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace. She took off the cap and took a swig. The drink burnt its way down her throat forcing her to squint her eyes at the sensation. Soon, the feeling of warmness spread through her body. It had only been ten minutes since she had sat on that couch and she had already drank more than half the bottle. Then she heard footsteps behind her. A sleepy Steve was walking towards her. His hair was messy and she could see the small trail of hair that went down his belly button. Natasha felt herself blush lightly at the sight of him.

Why did Steve have to be so beautiful? Why did he have to be so sweet towards her? Why did he have to make her feel that way? Why did she insist on kissing him, on feeding her hopes that, perhaps, one day, he might like her when she knew there was none? All those doubts flooded her mind at the sight of him. Perhaps it was the Vodka making her think about that.

"Did I wake you?" Natasha asked looking back at the fire.

"Nope." It was his reply. His voice was hoarse.

"Why did you get up, then?" She inquired.

"I missed your warmth." Steve walked towards her and sat by her side. "What are you drinking?"

"Vodka." She told him, "Want some?"

"Sure." He nodded and took the bottle from her hands taking a swig. Just as she had before, he squinted his eyes. They continued like that, passing the bottle from hand to hand until they were drunk enough. Drunk enough to bear the solitude they found themselves in. Until they were warm enough to face the cold.

"Steve." She said looking at him. Natasha watched as he moved his gaze away from the red and orange flames and looked at her in the eyes. That moment, she swore he could read her very soul.

"What?" His voice was soft.

"I'm cold. Can I get closer to you?"

"Sure." He nodded and she snuggled closer to him. Steve wrapped his arm around her. Natasha rested her head against his chest.

"Steve?" She asked again, his name was music coming from her lips.

"What?"

"Have you ever drunk Vodka?"

"No." He laughed, "In fact, I've never gotten drunk before."

Natasha laughed too. She smiled and looked at him. "Tasha." He said, pronouncing every single syllable carefully.

"What?"

"I love it when you speak in Russian." He said. Then he whispered on her ear. His breath tickled her neck and his lips were almost brushing against her ear. "I find it very sexy."

Natasha shivered and looked at him and placed her hand on his cheek. Then he leaned in to kiss her. Their lips touched. It was soft at first. Then his tongue brushed against her closed lips asking for entrance and she parted them slightly, allowing him to enter her mouth. That was actually the first time she was tasting him. Steve tasted sweet. Even sweeter than she could ever imagine, ever dream. He took hold of her hair as their tongues danced together.

"Oh, Natasha. I was waiting for this kiss." He groaned on her ear. Oh and she had waited for that too. She had waited for that kiss for far too long. He started to taste her neck slowly making small moans leave her mouth. His hands roamed underneath her shirt. So that was a drunk Steve Rogers.

Oh yes. He was drunk. "Steve." She said, her tone was serious.

"What is it?" He asked in between kisses.

"Steve. Stop. You're drunk. We're both drunk." Natasha stood, breaking free from his embrace. Natasha didn't want to have sex with him and not remember doing so in the morning. "I'm going to have a cold shower. You should do the same."

Natasha walked to the bathroom and locked the door. She had a cold shower and then filled the tub with hot water. She took her time there, enjoying all she could, because she knew that luxury wouldn't last for much longer.

**~X~**

The next morning Natasha didn't wake up hungover. Unfortunately, Steve did.

"Steve." She whispered loudly and poked him in bed. "Steeeeve."

"What is it, Tasha?" He groaned and turned around in bed to face her.

"We have to go. I've got a location."

"Give me five more minutes."

"I've already given you 3 hours, Rogers! It's already nine a.m."

"Okay, okay." He nodded and stood going to the shower. Natasha pretended not to notice the huge boner he had. Well, he was a man, men had boners every morning and she was already used to that.

Natasha was ready since 6 a.m She had gotten up, had another shower, put on her catsuit underneath a thick coat and hid her weapons. She had allowed Steve to sleep only because she knew he would be hungover. While Natasha had only been slightly drunk, he had been really drunk. After around 30 minutes, Steve was finally ready.

Natasha and Steve left the hotel and rented a car. Natasha started to drive to the location she was given, " _Yaroslavl Oblast, 58º 52' N 43º 32 E' _She kept repeating those words on her head. They had jut left Moscow when Steve asked the question she knew he would ask. The one question that was enough to shatter her on the inside. The question that was her reason not to have had sex with him the night before.

"Tasha... What happened last night?"

"We drank some vodka, that's all." She replied.

"Okay, that part I remember, but what happened after that?"

"Nothing." She shrugged.

"Oh, okay." He nodded. He seemed somewhat relieved.

**~X~**

Natasha drove for three hours until there was no more road, during the entire trip, she thought of the feelings of his lips on her neck, of his smell, of the way he growled. The way his heart beat faster, his breath quickened. She shook her head as if it would make it all go away, all those thoughts about a man that didn't belong to her. They were in front of a forest. She got down of her car and Steve did the same thing. She walked to the border of the forest and took a compass out of her coat's pocket and looked at it before silently walking into the forest. The treetops were completely covered in snow and so was the ground. Natasha noticed footprints on the earth and followed the track, never taking her eyes off of the compass. Steve followed her silently. Natasha was very grateful for the snowstorm that was going on while the made their way through the forest, at least, their tracks would be covered.

Then, suddenly, the footprints stopped. Natasha looked around. They had reached the location that her informant had indicated, she knew it was an underground base, but where could it be?

"Stay with me, Steve. We're guarding this location until someone comes out." She told him and climbed on a tree. Steve nodded and did the same.

That forest... It was the same one where she had fought a battle. The same one in which her first husband died and the same one in which her daughter had died. And that place specifically... It was near a glade where she had been. That was the exact same spot where she had buried a rose in honor of her daughter.

She remembered it as if that had happened yesterday. 1941, the year that the Germans invaded Russia. They were running from them, Vasili, her best friend had died and she was left only with her companions. Finally, they managed to leave the glade and get in cover again. Nikolai, her husband offered her his last can of food.

"_Natalia, you're pregnant. You need this more than I do."_

"_No, but you need to eat."_

"_I know, but Vasili was saving food for you."_

"_But we have to share the food... The others..."_

"_Natasha, if they knew what you're hiding – the child – they would do the same."_

_Natasha took the canned food from Nikolai's hands. The gunshots were getting closer._

"_Natalia, whatever happens, remember, I love you."_

"_I love you too, Nikolai." She took her machine gun in her hand and prepared to shoot._

_She knew Nikolai had died. She knew her companions had died. She had lost everything that day. Everything. Natalia Alianova Romanova no longer used that name. From that day on, she was Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow._

Why were all those memories coming back? What was that mission all about? Just as she asked herself that, the ground started to rumble and a rampage appeared, revealing a dark hole that led deep under the ground. Verhoeven came from underneath the hole, followed by his fellow generals. Now, that Natasha was sure of where they worked, her and Steve could go.

When the rampage disappeared and she was sure that the Germans were far away, she motioned for Steve that they could go. She climbed down the tree and so did he. She pretended everything was okay even though she was sure nothing was. When she looked down to the root of the tree, she saw a red rose. A frozen red rose. Natasha didn't know who left it there, but decided it was best not to pick it up, she couldn't allow her enemies to know she had been there.

**~X~**

The ride back took them almost the same time as the first one, around three hours. With the H.Y.D.R.A base being so far from Moscow, their day was almost entirely wasted. When they arrived back at the hotel, it was around 4 p.m, but it was already dark. Natasha sighed sadly as she made her way towards the elevator. She couldn't seem to forget about the rose, about that place in the forest, about that night, the one in which Nikolai died. She tried to pretend everything was okay, but she was failing miserably at it.

Natasha had never been good at handling her emotions so she always chose to hide them, but it was all coming back too quickly. All those feelings, all those sentiments she had been bottling up since god knew when. Natasha pretended everything was okay, but, as soon as the room's door was closed and she locked herself in the bathroom with the water running, she cried, she smiled, she loved. Everything she should have done many years ago but didn't.

When she was done with that, Natasha washed the tears away, put on her strong facade once more, had a relaxing bath and only got out when the trails that marked the place where the tears had flown down her face were gone, when her eyes were no longer red and when she was ready to face the world with the same coldness as before. Natasha tried to blind herself from Steve, from the feelings she knew she had for him, but, as soon as she saw his smile, his eyes, that barrier, no matter how strong it was, broke down.

"Steve, I want to take you out tonight. Tonight, I'll show you the real Russian food." Natasha told him smiling – Was there even a way not to smile, not to feel happy when she was with him? "So, dress yourself like it was any other normal night and let's go."

"Okay." He nodded smiling back. "Meanwhile, what should we do?"

"Do you want to visit the city?" She asked him.

"Sure. You know, when I was younger, I wanted to visit Russia. I even learned a bit of Russian."

"_Разве? - Really?" _She asked remembering his words, _"I love it when you speak in Russian.". _"And what have you learned? How fluent are you in the language?"

"Since there was a plan for me to infiltrate the Kremlin as a general, I can actually speak a lot, I'm a bit rusty, but I still remember most of the words. I can even read in Russian." Steve shrugged, "_Здравствуйте, Наталья, как ты? - Hello, Natalia, how are you?"_

His voice was even sexier in Russian. Steve spoke with very little accent. She too loved when he spoke like that. His voice assumed a graver tone and it sent pleasant shivers down her spine to hear him talking like that. "_Очень хорошо, Алексей. Теперь, мы должны начать с туром, пока он не слишком поздно. - Very well, Alexei ,– she used the Russian version of his name almost by acident – now, we should start with the tour before it gets too late."_

Steve nodded and started walking towards the bedroom, "I'll just have a quick shower."

He closed the double doors behind him, only leaving a small crack open. She could see him undressing in front of the mirror. His sculpted abdomen, she remembered the feeling of his soft skin on her hands and, before she got too sentimental, she moved her gaze away from him. Natasha moved to the drink kart and took another bottle of Vodka in her hands. The servants had replaced it since they had finished drinking the other one the night before. She took only one sip and closed the bottle, putting it back in place. Natasha didn't want to get drunk again and she didn't want Steve to get drunk again, it would shatter her even more.

When he was ready, wearing his thick clothes, including a fur hat that time, they both left. That day, the temperature was especially low, -43.6 ºF. She and Steve wandered around the almost desert streets until they reached a poorer part of the town. The streets were dirtier and the light was dim since not every streetlight was working.

Steve offered Natasha his arm a long while ago and she held tightly onto him ever since. She watched the small snowflakes land on her face and swirl around in the air as the cold wind blew howling through the narrow streets. Then they reached a more colorful place, where there were people eating and listening to music. She and Steve walked there and sat on a table inside one of the restaurants that Natasha chose, hopefully, there was heating inside there.

As soon as they sat, an old lady, probably the owner of the restaurant came to hand them the menus.

"Natalia, dear, what do you recommend for us to eat?"

"Since today is very cold, I would have a soup. A rabbit soup."

"Rabbit soup it is, then." Steve agreed and called the waitress back, "_Два кролика супы пожалуйста. – Two rabbit soups, please."_

"_да- Yes" _The old woman nodded and went inside the kitchen to make their food. She returned a few moments later with a bottle of vodka and two small glasses.

Steve sat close to Natasha, just by her side. Sometimes, his fingers brushed hers lightly and she smiled. His proximity made her feel even warmer. She rested her head against his shoulder. She loved doing that. Natasha inhaled his scent and sighed satisfied. That time, Steve was a little bolder than usual, he placed one of his hands on her arm and pulled her closer. Natasha snuggled against him. It felt so good. It was at that moment that Natasha told herself she was being childish, that he didn't actually feel anything towards her, it was all an act, a very good act. The woman brought their soups and she ate it in silence. So did Steve.

When they were making their way back to the hotel, Steve actually held her hand in his. Their fingers actually intertwined and she felt happy as she had never been before, just like a teenagers from those American movies about high school she had watched with the team so many times before.

When they arrived back at the hotel, they had little time to have a steamy hot bath and leave to another one of those five star restaurants, they had to meet with their target, get acquainted with him. Natasha, she was the perfect tool to try to extract as much information as she could about H.Y.D.R.A and his co-workers.

That night, she wore a dark blue long gown with long sleeves, its color was just like a starless night. Her skin glowed like the moon and her curly hair cascaded beautifully down her back and stopped right at her shoulder's length. She noticed the way Steve looked at her when she was ready. He seemed to be in awe.

He offered her his arm and she took it happily, always having to remind herself that it was just an act.


	6. Inside the Base

**A/N: There is the slightest of mentions of smut in this chapter. Nothing explicit and it's not between Steve and Natasha. You've been warned.**

**In reply to some of the reviews I got:**

**Destined627: Thanks for the review :3 So, yeah, I skipped that and, well, I have a HC that Steve was never ****resistant to alcohol and that, after he took the serum, though he became more resistant, he still can't drink much. Besides, this Vodka is _very _strong, like really, really strong. So that you have an idea, it's not even sold in the U.S because it had more alcohol/ml than allowed. Natasha on the other hand is very resistant to any sort of drinks - well she's Russian after all, isn't she?**

**Ann (Guest): ohurghhrjkojiohigjikolkcjvenrjemckenhve Thanks for the wonderful review, really. I'm not taking this as quick as the other on I'm writing (Lipstick Lies). I plan on writing from 30-50 chapters filled with angst and them denying the feelings for each other. Besides, there's going to be a _huge _plot twist. I'm looking forward to writing the next chapters :3**

**R&amp;R :3**

**~X~**

Natasha sat at the table by Verhoeven's side and flirted shamelessly with him all night. Natasha knew she had him. He was in the palm of her hand and she could crush his hopes at any time. The part one of her plan, seduction, was done. Now, all Natasha had to do was extract as much information as she could. In the corner of her eye, she could see Steve gripping the pillowed armrest of the chair tightly as she chose her words carefully, slowly she watched as he fell in her web. Before he even realized, he'd be in too deep. It was just a matter of time.

That night, she told "Alex" she would discuss some business with Gerhad and that he shouldn't expect her to be back so early. Steve cracked his knuckles as he left the restaurant and she went in the car with the target. They started making out in the car and, by the time they reached his hotel, things were already pretty heated for both of them. Natasha and Verhoeven tried to act normally until they reached his room on the penthouse, but he couldn't seem to keep his hands off of her.

Gerhad lips were soft and his kiss was fully manic, just like hers. He had years of practice, just as she did. Natasha and him, they were both machines, both were good in bed because they were used to please in order to extract information. Natasha found herself doing something she didn't do in a long while, she imagined Steve's face instead of Verhoeven's, as if to make the experience less painful for her. It had been a clash of teeth and tongue and nails and pain. It was everything but soft. They rough sex. Since none of them had feelings for one another, the sex was rough, only to aiming too satisfy Verhoeven's own desire. When they were done, she had a glass of champagne with him, but left as soon as possible under the excuse that Steve was very jealous and that he would be angry if she got back too late.

When she arrived back in their room, Natasha found him sitting on the couch. He had his fingers threaded in his hair and his elbows on his knees. He stared sadly at the fire. The low sound of her stilettos against the wooden floor made him turn his head to face her. She wished he hadn't done that, she wished he hadn't said a word so she wouldn't have to see the heartbreaking look he had in his eyes.

"Hey." She greeted him. Her voice was almost a murmur and her gaze was turned to the ground. She couldn't bear to face him, not after what she had just done. Not when she loved him. And, even if he didn't like her back, even if she saw her as just a friend, that was too shameful to her. It was a first time experience for her, so she didn't know how to handle that.

"Hey." He replied standing and making his way to her. His voice was a bit louder than hers, but it was still full of sadness, the same one reflected in his eyes. When he was close enough, he placed two fingers under her chin and lifted her face so she was staring at him. "Tasha... How did it go?"

"You know, Steve. You know what happened." She replied, she was almost breaking down in tears, she didn't know why she was crying. She didn't know when she started crying, she just felt the hot tears stream down her cheeks leaving wet trails. She moved her gaze away from his and went to the bedroom. That night, Natasha wanted to be alone. As she undressed, she could feel a pair off eyes spying on her. She was sure it wasn't Steve. Verhoeven had already ordered his spies to keep an eye on them.

That night, Natasha cried herself to sleep with her face buried on the many pillows, her makeup stained the white soft silk that covered them. Her sleep was filled with nightmares of the RedRoom, of all the hearts she had broken, of memories she could sworn she had forgotten a long time ago. Apparently not. Natasha couldn't forget anything.

**~X~**

The first ray of sunlight that entered through the window woke her up, she looked at the clock on her bedside table, it was still 5 a.m. Natasha went to the bathroom and prepared herself for the long drive they were doing again. When she entered the room, Steve was ready. He had ordered room service, chocolate fondue. He looked like a child dipping the strawberries in the melted chocolate and eating them. The smile on his face told her he was really enjoying himself.

"Mornin', Steve." She greeted with a small smile and walked to where he was sitting and took the seat in front of him. "How's the fondue?"

"Mornin', Tasha. Feeling better?" He replied looking at her and then blushed deeply, "F-Fondue?"

"Yes, I am, thanks." She nodded and started to laugh, "Yes, fondue. It's what you're eating, didn't you know that?"

"Oh... So this is the fondue." He muttered.

"What did you think it was?" She asked.

Steve started making awkward gestures with his hands and Natasha started to laugh real hard. It was the first time – she thought – that he saw her genuinely smile. "Oh." She mouthed and he turned as red as her hair, if that was even possible. It was like nothing had happened the night before, everything was the same as it was before she went into Gerhad room's though she knew things would never be the same between them. Not for her, at least.

They were frozen in the moment, her smile on her face and his blush still on his cheeks. It was perfect and she knew it would be forever in her memory. It was a moment she wanted to remember for the rest of her life. When they were done with eating the strawberries, it was already six thirty, so they left the room to that damned forest once more.

**~X~**

While they made their way to the forest, Steve read a map in silence as he made some annotations in his notebook. Natasha kept her eyes locked on the slippery road and making sure they weren't being followed. For both, her happiness and despair, it had snowed during the night and stopped very early in the morning, so while the road was less slippery if she needed to accelerate the car, their tracks would be harder to cover, much harder. Natasha didn't know if she should be bothered by the silence between them, but, truly, she wasn't. Sometimes, just the silence was enough, there should be no words spoken.

Nine a.m. They arrived at the base. Natasha still hadn't figured how to open the rampage that led to the lab, so they had to wait on top of the trees until someone who worked at the base arrived. Luckily, they had to wait for little time, ten minutes, Natasha counted. Then the scientists appeared. She watched as they walked to the tree where she was hiding and leaned in. An eye scanner, she figured. When they were close enough, she motioned to Steve to follow her and jumped down the tree, landing on one of the scientists back. She silently cracked his neck and did the same to the other one before he even had time to realize what happened. From underneath her white winter coat, Natasha got sharp knife and removed one of the scientist's eye. She noticed Steve flinch as she did so. Then they hid the bodies in a safe location and went into the base.

The rampage opened and she handed Steve one of the lab coats and put on one herself too. Then they went inside. It all looked familiar, just like the Red Room, except that the walls weren't painted red. Steve and her seemed to be unnoticed by the people working there and, as he made various annotations on his notebook, Natasha made mental notes as she looked to the doors. There were plaques with letters and numbers written on them, RRH.5, RRH.6 and so it went. She was trying to figure out what the letters meant when a man came out of one of the doors.

"_Доктор Дрягин? Вы, как ожидается в лаборатории RRH.4, майор Верховен хочет поговорить с вами. - Doctor Dryagin? You are expected in the lab RRH.4, Major Verhoeven wants to speak to you."_

"_Хорошо, спасибо. - Okay, thanks." _Natasha replied nodding and making her way back from where she came from. She felt her heart racing. What would she do? Verhoeven wanted to speak to the man she had killed, he would surely recognize her – well, of course he would there wasn't even the slightest chance that he wouldn't.

Natasha and Steve turned at the same time when they heard screams on the corridor. It was Dryagin. He wasn't as old as the scientist who had talked to her back in the corridor, but, still he was quite older than she appeared to be. He shouted something about a serum, about how he was sorry for having messed up and that he wouldn't do that again. Those words, she didn't know why, but they sounded so familiar it sent a shiver down her spine.

Steve looked at her and she looked at him. In a silent agreement, they went their separate ways. In three hours they would meet each other outside. Natasha looked at the ground as she walked through the base trying not to be seen. She searched the lab coat's pockets and found a card, there was no photo, the only things written were: Lapotiknov, Dmitri, project RRS, room RRH.50.

For what Natasha noticed, there were ten rooms per floor, so she went to the floor -5. RRH.50... RRS... Those letters, they seemed so familiar, but she couldn't seem to remember where she had seen them before, for more that she tried, she couldn't. She made her way into the room RRH.50 and noticed she was the only one there. Apparently, Steve was her partner in that one. Using the communicator she had attached to her ear in an unnoticeable way, she called Steve and, in no time, he was there. Even though he had arrived quickly, Natasha had time to have a good look at the room. It was all so familiar, but why? Why couldn't she remember, she _had _to remember. She felt a strong headache and everything turned black. The last thing she saw was the floor approaching far too quickly.


	7. Programmed to Forget

The first thing she felt when she came back to her senses was his strong arms wrapped around her, then the pain came. Natasha wasn't one to feel pain, but that one was almost unbearable. Slowly, she opened her eyes, her vision was still blurry and she blinked a few times before her eyes adjusted to the lighting of the room they were in. The first thing she saw was his eyes, his beautiful dark blue eyes, he seemed concerned. Then Natasha tried to shift to a sitting position, her head pounded and she groaned.

"Lie still." He whispered and kept her close to him. He put a few loose strands of her hair that were sticking to her forehead behind her ear and she did as she was told. In part because she it was actually painful to move , but she was also enjoying the proximity to Steve.

"W-what happened? How long was I out?" She asked, her throat was dry, so her voice was almost a whisper.

"Well, you called me and asked me to meet you here, then, when I got here, I saw you faint. Luckily I caught you before you hit the ground." He told her. Natasha sighed. If she hadn't hit her head, why did it hurt so much? "I don't know for how long. Thirty minutes, one hour, perhaps."

"Thank you, Steve." She smiled at him and closed her eyes again trying to organize her thoughts. "And, yeah, I'm better."

"That's good." He nodded and she could hear him smile, the relief present on his voice was noticeable.

"Have you found anything about what's going on here?" She asked him.

"Nope. I think those words on the plaques are abbreviations, they mean something. I figured the H means H.Y.D.R.A, but what do the two Rs mean?" He asked. At first, Natasha was a bit pissed at him for worrying about her that much, but then she figured it was good to have someone to watch over her. Upon hearing his words about the acronyms, the first thing that popped into her mind when thinking of the double Rs was Red Room, but that couldn't be it. The Red Room had ended a long time ago, just as the KGB. She thought of all the acronyms she knew of before replying a bit unsure.

"Perhaps Resource Room... But I don't think that's it."

"Well, we can't do some research over it later. Now, I think it's better to find something about this room and leave as soon as possible." Steve told her.

"Okay." She nodded and regretted that decision instantly. Still, she ignored the pain. It had no domain over her, she convinced herself of that. Natasha stood slowly and was a bit dizzy for the first few seconds, but it soon went away. She was back in only a few seconds. Natasha scanned the lab searching for anything they could use as clues. She saw a bunch of chemicals and some blue glowing particles. She saw Steve writing down everything they saw before he closed his notebook. Natasha took a picture of the place with her phone, since there was no computer there for her to back up the files, both of them left being careful enough not to be seen. They had a whole lot of research to do.

Steve insisted on driving them back and she slept the entire way. She figured she might be having the headaches because she was tired, but she soon found out it wasn't because of that. She still was unable to figure the cause of them, but, at least, she could eliminate one of the ideas from the mental list she made.

**~X~**

When it was 6 p.m, Natasha and Steve arrived back at the hotel. Natasha was feeling a lot better and, even though she told him she was fine and that they should go out to investigate some more, Steve insisted on them staying in the room. He ordered some hot chocolate for her and made sure she was really comfortable before they started their research. Natasha sat on the bed under the many covers with the computer on her lap. She hacked the S.H.I.E.L.D and the H.Y.D.R.A files and tried to find anything, the slightest lead about the acronyms. Since she found nothing, she thought of the Red Room, it was the one thing they hadn't investigated yet, so she did some research over the KGB and the spies. She saw her names a lot of times and some others she was able to identify, Yelena Belova and Shostakov.

Apparently, the Red Room had been closed in 1991 when the Soviet Union broke down. Since the actual president had no use for spies, she discarded the idea. But then she remembered that H.Y.D.R.A had also been considered extinct though it wasn't, so, she still kept looking for anything that could relate it to the German intelligence. As she expected, she didn't find anything. Russia and Germany had been enemies since forever.

Natasha sighed as she took a sip from her cup, she looked all over the files, the infinity of the interned but seemed to find nothing. She uploaded the images she took from her cellphone to the computer, she zoomed the in and researched about the chemicals. But, with all of her intelligence on chemistry nothing made sense, it was as if she was programed not to understand that.

"Hey." Steve said as he sat by her side taking a sip of his own hot drink, "How's the research going?"

"Not good." Natasha replied almost absent, "I can't seem to make a chemical formula out of this..."

"I'm sorry, but I can't help. I have almost nonexistent knowledge when it comes to chemistry."

"It's alright." Natasha told him and looked at her phone, there was a new message from Verhoeven. How had he gotten her number anyway?

_'I want to see you again tonight.' _He had texted her. Natasha sighed sadly and went to the bathroom under Steve's confused gaze. She threw the phone at him and he grabbed it midair before reading the message. He groaned in anger. Natasha didn't get why he was so angry. _'Well, friends worry about each other.' _She thought as she undressed and stepped into the shower. She had a long shower and brushed her teeth before dressing herself in a pair of black pants and a silken shirt. As always, she wore a fur coat, a hat that covered her ears and a pair of black leather gloves. Natasha got her phone and left the room smiling sadly at Steve.

The second she left the room, she went into Black Widow mode. She forgot about all the feelings she had for Steve, she went into seductress mode and prepared herself mentally for another night of mechanical sex with the enemy. Well, it was something she had to go through, something she was already used to.

**~X~**

Steve wasn't even waiting for her when she got back in the room. He had already fallen asleep on the couch in front of the fireplace. He was all curled up and seemed really uncomfortable. She sat on the edge of the couch near his head and poked him softly whispering his name. "Steve. Go to bed."

He groaned before his eyes opened slowly and he blinked trying to adjust his eyes to the di lighting before they focused on Natasha. "Hey, Tasha. I'm going. Don't wait for me."

"Okay." She nodded and headed to the bedroom. She took a bath and to the closet to put on her pajamas before curling down under the blankets. Then she felt him climb on the bed and curl by her side. They weren't touching, but his presence by her side was very soothing. She enjoyed his warmth. She felt, at the same time, safe and dirty. Dirty because of Verhoeven's touch and, It didn't matter that she had had a bath, the very fact that Gerhad hands had touched her made her sick and safe because Steve was by her side. For another night, just as many before it, she found herself unable to sleep.

In her head, she tried to crack the puzzle of what they had seen that very day, so she stood and went to the balcony. She felt the chilling wind like knives cutting the exposed skin of her shoulders and the cold stone floor beneath her feet. She only stood outside for a few seconds before she thought it too cold. Back inside, she went to the living room and laid on the couch staring at the ceiling. She thought about Verhoeven. There was something very familiar about him, about his traces, about his eyes... It was creepy and, once more, even with her eidetic memory, she found herself unable to remember something else. She groaned as she sat again, this time looking at the floor, that was so frustrating. Just as if she had been programed to forget. Well, that couldn't be it, she remembered everything about the Red Room... didn't she?


	8. Discoveries

_**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for all the kind reviews you posted :3, I'm going to warn you that it's probably going to take me much longer to update the story, because I have this huge writer's block in the moment.**_

_**Replies: **_

_**-Destined 627: Yup, this is a dark fic. My goal is to tell everything that happened in her life that made Natasha the way she is, to show what she thinks of herself and make Steve shatter those convictions, to show her, that she is worth him, that she is worth everything. And, yes, she sees herself as meat because she was taught to see herself as such, by S.H.I.E.L.D and by the Red Room.**_

_**-Ann: Thanks for all your kind reviews. Steve's not going to be useless and I'm really trying to keep them in character, I don't know if it's working though (I would appreciate if you told me what you're thinking). :)**_

_**Anyway, enough with the speech, enjoy the chapter :3**_

_**R&amp;R**_

**~X~**

During the night, Natasha had done some research over the base they were infiltrating and got the plants of the building, she found out where Verhoeven's office was and where everything was kept. She also discovered that the most important rooms such as the supplies room and the control room were heavily guarded. Natasha would have to find a way to enter Verhoeven's office without getting caught, a seemingly impossible task. She decided it was best for Steve and her to visit the base the next morning so they could figure out a plan, besides, she wanted to make sure she had seen everything she could use to make out a formula and deduce what they were doing.

With that plan in mind, she laid back on the couch and closed her eyes. Her head still ached, a lot less than earlier that day, but it still ached. She opened her eyes again and decided to go back to the bed, the room was cold and she'd rather be under the covers and by his side than lying on an uncomfortable couch. When she passed by the window, she looked outside. It was almost morning, she could tell from the position of the stars. She laid back on the bed and covered herself snuggling closer to Steve without touching him before falling on a light sleep.

His breathing against her neck was what woke her up. It tickled her lightly and she smiled still half-asleep before realizing he was much closer to her than he was before. She opened her eyes and rolled around so she was facing him. It was morning, very early as she was used to, but his face, it was so close. Her nose was almost touching his and, now, his hot breathing was on her lips and not her neck. She wanted to kiss him, but reason spoke louder and she got up, trying to ignore the desire of tasting his lips once more.

She was ready and, as always, she waited for a little while before waking him up. Steve took just as long as she did to get ready and when he was done with putting his clothes on, he went to the living room. Natasha had ordered breakfast. A basket filled with all kinds of breads and small pots with jams, butter and spreads. There was also a jar of juice, a teapot with Earl Grey tea and one with hot chocolate.

"Mornin'." He yawned as he walked towards Natasha and took a seat in front of her at the table.

"Hey." She replied when she was finished with eating a piece of bread that was in her mouth. "I have a plan for us."

"Really?" He asked as he spread some butter on a piece of baguette. Then he poured himself a cup of hot chocolate.

"We're going in again today so we can figure a way of invading Gerhad's office and stealing the plans and any important info we might get our hands on. Still, I want to see if there's anything important we can use to solve this case."

"Good idea." He nodded in approval after taking a sip of his drink.

They followed the normal routine, as Natasha drove them to the base, Steve made his annotations and sketched the landscape. When they arrived at the place where the base was located, she parked the car and they got down. That day, she looked for the rose again, near the tree. And it was there. It hadn't aged a day, so she figured that whoever put it there changed it. Natasha tried to ignore it, she tried not to show Steve how much that affected her, so she simply walked to the eye scanner as if she hadn't seen a thing. The rampage opened and they were undercover again.

They didn't even exchange a word as they made their way through the hallways, always keeping a distance from each other. Natasha got to the lab first, not even worrying about Steve, she knew he would find his way there. As she moved towards the staircase that led to the -5thfloor, she made mental notes of the rooms she passed by. She might use it later. When she arrived at the lab, everything was the same as it was the day before and she got to work very quickly, searching through the piles of paper and files, something that might give her a clue of what she was dealing with. She didn't find anything useful, but she did find something that might help them destroy the lab once they were done with stuff, Methanol.

_'__Methanol is the simplest alcohol, and is a light, __volatile__, colorless, __flammable__liquid with a distinctive odor very similar to, but slightly sweeter than, that of __ethanol__(drinking alcohol).__At room temperature, it is a __polar liquid__, and is used as an __antifreeze__, __solvent__, __fuel__, and as a __denaturant__for __ethanol__. It is also used for producing __biodiesel__via __transesterification__reaction.' One of the scientists from the Red Room had taught her. He told her it might come in handy in an emergency and she never forgot his words._

She had never actually used that knowledge, but invisible flames were very useful. Perhaps she would have the chance to actually apply all the theory to a real mission. She ran the tip of her fingers lightly against the border of the many beakers. No dust had gathered there because of the exhaustion system, as they were working with toxic chemicals, there had to be a strong exhaustion so that the substances wouldn't gather in the air. She took a seat in front of a small desk that rested against a corner of the room. She ran her eyes over the files scattered all over the metal surface. She still couldn't tell anything about what they were working with.

Natasha found it impossible to believe that a lab of that kind, with such technological stuff didn't have a computer so, after to cleaning up the table – She had some sort of OCD when it came to organizing stuff - , arranging all the files in the drawers until the desk was methodically organized, she cracked her knuckles and started searching for any secret compartments. Her fingers tapped lightly the surface of the table until it clicked open revealing a small laptop, she hacked her way in since she was in no mood for guessing the password and, from a pocket of her coat, she got a flash drive and backed up all the files.

It was the exact time Steve took to get there. She looked around as if he was searching for her. Until his eyes met hers in the remote corner of the room, he had a concerned frown on his face. The door closed behind him with a pressurized hiss and he walked towards her, his expression changed from concern to curiosity when he looked at the computer.

"I didn't see any computers around here yesterday." He said stopping by her side.

"Me neither and I thought it weird so I decided to have a better look." Natasha replied, her gaze never left the screen of the computer as she typed frenetically.

"What are you -" He started to ask, but Natasha glanced at him with a murderous look and he stopped mid-sentence and didn't say anything else until she was done about 20 minutes later, from the corner of her eyes, she could see him look around the room taking notes and sketching whatever he laid his eyes on.

"I was seeing if I could find anything else about what we're working on." She told him when she was done, moving her gaze to meet his and sighed looking at the screen again, "But I can't seem to make anything out of this."

"Well..." She knew Steve didn't know anything about computers so he couldn't actually say anything about the subject or even offer to help. "Why don't we work on that later? I mean, it's getting late, so we better go back. We can always come back here tomorrow."

"Okay." Natasha nodded and stood before placing the computer back in place. It was almost ipossible for her to notice the time pass down there and that made her unnerved her. At the same time she might have spent an hour down there, she could have also spent 10 hours. Once more, Natasha and Steve left the lab with almost no information, if they continued at that rate, they would have to stay in Russia way longer than planned, way longer than she wanted to.

**~X~**

They had spent only two hours down there and Steve drove them back to the hotel. When they were back in the room, the first thing she did after changing was sit on the bed with the computer on her lap, she connected the flash drive and started to work on decrypting the data she had backed up and started working on it. She didn't even notice the hours pass by. Since he couldn't actually help with anything, Natasha allowed him the day off. Besides, it wasn't like he was wanted by the government, so he could simply wander around. Natasha didn't find anything but the same information as before and some more formulas that didn't make sense. The one thing she noticed was that they were using the Tesseract on whatever their plan might be.

She sighed and got out of bed stretching as she walked to the bathroom. She washed her face and looked at her reflection in the mirror, she looked a bit weary from all the nights without sleep, so she decided to pour herself a drink and wait for Steve to come back doing some more research. On the bed again, she searched on the S.H.I.E.L.D database and even googled the elements they were using. She wrote down the reactions and tried to figure out. But, again, her head started to pound heavily and she decided it was best to leave the research for later and try to work out how Steve was going to break into Verhoven's office.

Natasha thought that, perhaps, she might be able to convince him to spend the day with her under the excuse that her husband met a potential client and would spend the day out, so Steve could spend as long as he wanted inside the base until they had what they needed. The only thing was: What did they need? Natasha rested her head against the soft pillows and closed her eyes for a mere second before she heard the door being unlocked silently. Instantly, she reached for her gun, clicked the safety off and jumped off the bed hiding in the shadowy corners of the room before she laid eyes upon a tall blond figure. She released the breath she didn't even realize she was holding and felt her muscles relax as she let her arms drop by her side.

"Hey, Steve." She greeted him hiding the gun in the back pocket of her pants.

"Hi, Nat." He replied smiling and looking at where her voice had come from and she walked out of the shadows.

"How did you like the city?" She asked following him into the bedroom and hiding the gun back in a drawer near the bedside table.

"It's a beautiful city, but I didn't wander around much, I stopped by the library and studied some chemistry so I could help you." He stated. He seemed proud of himself.

"Wow." She muttered almost inaudibly, it was so kind of him to do that, "Thank you, Steve, I actually need some help with this."

"It was nothing. Now, let's get to work." He told her and got the laptop from the bed, placing it on the table. He opened it and typed the password. "Now, you'll have to decrypt the files for me since I didn't have time to master computers too."

"Sure." She decrypted the files all over again, that time, it was much easier since she already knew what to do.

They looked over the formulas together and Steve seemed to be able to make more connections than her when it came to the subject. Natasha just stared at the paper blankly, her head pounded every time she seemed to be figuring something out and she was immediately distracted from her thoughts. No matter how hard she tried to focus on that she seemed unable to do so. She groaned in frustration.

"What is it?" he asked her.

"I can't seem to focus, I'll grab some air before having a look at what you got." Natasha replied and stood walking towards the window. She could feel his gaze on her until she was outside. The snowflakes gathered on her eyelashes and fell on the soft skin of her cheeks when she blinked. She breathed in deeply feeling the cold air fill her lungs. That moment, even her blood seemed colder and, she had to admit, for more that she hated to do so, that she had missed Russia.

Natasha went back inside, the warmth of the room hitting her so suddenly that she gasped at feeling of it. She took her place near Steve and had a look at what he had written on the paper, some of the chemicals she had managed to recognize, she knew that aimed to induce the increase in the number of mitochondria in one's body. What were they trying to do mixing it with particles from the Tesseract? Trying to create an improved version of the Super Soldier Serum? Natasha scowled and discarded the idea, they didn't have the recipe to do so.

"Steve... I think I might have an idea of what they are planning on doing." Natasha told him a bit unsure.

"What is it?" He closed the book he was reading and turned to face her.

"Um... They might be creating a Super Soldier Serum with particles of the Tesseract." She said. For a moment, she saw the same glimpse of fear she had felt cross his face, but it soon went away as he tried to convince himself that it wasn't it. Finally, she guessed, when he had reflected enough on the subject he replied.

"I don't think so. I mean, how would they even have the recipe for that?"

"That's what I thought." She told him feeling slightly relaxed. _Slightly_. She still wasn't sure that it was the case. There was something more about that story that they hadn't found out yet. She wanted to tell him the plan she created for him to invade Verhoeven's office, but to see his expression, no matter what it was would kill her. Besides, they had time and she needed Verhoeven to become a bit more attached to her.

They were silent for a few moments before Steve asked her again, "You said they were using particles of the Tesseract?"

"Yup... It's weird how did they even manage to get their hands on such powerful object? The last time I checked with Thor, it was safe in one of the vaults in Asgard."

"Yeah..." Steve nodded then his expression turned to one of realization, "The scepter!"

"What about it?" She asked and then she remembered. One of the few things that S.H.I.E.L.D hadn't been able to recover from the battle of New York was Loki's scepter. "Oh..." She muttered. The things they could do with it, so much power in the wrong hands, the consequences could be disastrous.

"We have to start looking for it in the base." He stated and Natasha nodded in agreement.

"Still, they wouldn't hide an object of power in plain sight." She said, "Somewhere very safe inside there..." She started typing again until she reached the location she wanted. The plant she had saved that night. "We have the plant of the building."

"Great... So, where do you think they might be hiding it?" He asked staring at the screen. Natasha noticed that there was an elevator on the last floor that didn't stop in any of the others, as if it would be used to transport something very quickly.

"Somewhere with difficult access but with an easy way out." Steve deduced, then as if a switch flicked inside his head, he exclaimed, "The last floor! There is this elevator that doesn't stop in any of the other floors as a quick way out and there must be some pretty strong security to access it."

"Steve, you're a genius!" Natasha exclaimed looking at him. She had to resist the sudden urge of kissing him. "What do you think, should we try to go down there tomorrow or should we wait a little longer?"

"I don't know. Perhaps, if we go in tomorrow, it will give us some clues about what they're working on." He said.

"Let's go with that, then." She told him.

That night, Verhoeven didn't text her and she was thankful for that. She just hoped it wasn't the end of their affair. He was an essential part of their mission and she couldn't allow him to go away that easily.

They allowed themselves to relax that night so they watched a Russian movie, "The Barber of Siberia" or, as it was also known, "_Sibirskiy tsiryulnik". _It was one of her favorite movies and Steve seemed to have taken a liking to it too. When they were done with watching the movie, her head rested against his shoulder and his arm was around her waist, the same position she found herself with Clint so many times before. The day wasn't the best, but at least, they had made some progress with the mission and she was able to grab a few hours of sleep. Somehow, Steve's presence made it all more comfortable – and that was something she thought every night when lying by his side.


	9. The Scepter and the Serum

Natasha and Steve both woke up at the same time, that was an important day and, the sooner they got to the base the better. She wasn't exactly looking forward to invade the base, but, at least, had a dreamless sleep and she was grateful for that, it was good to get a bit of rest once in a while. Natasha equipped herself with all kinds of weapons, from the lightest ones to the heaviest, but not something too big, she needed to prepare herself for all kinds of situations they might find themselves in. She and Steve took almost the same time in preparing themselves and she even noticed he was taking his shield with him. She was almost telling him not t take it because it was too big when she noticed him pressing a button and making the shield even smaller.

Natasha nodded in approval of his action, it was a gesture she made more to herself than to him. She finished checking the weapons and went to car being followed by him. She drove them there and noticed that, this time, Steve didn't have his notebook in hand, he wasn't staring at the window like he normally did, instead, he was rigid against the soft leather seats of the car. She gripped the steering wheel tightly, her heart racing for a reason she couldn't quite figure. She could feel the adrenaline run through her veins making her speed up perhaps a bit more than necessary, but in a way that she still had full control of the car.

When the car stopped, they got down and walked in a faster speed towards the base, it seemed to be a much more important day for them. They entered the base after going through all the security processes and made their way towards the elevator. Natasha took a deep breath as they waited before the metal doors, the lab smelled of chemicals, many which she couldn't identify and that, along with the situation they found themselves in unnerved her. Silently, the doors slid open and they entered the metal box. Since it was used not only to transport people, but cargo as well, it was very big. Steve pressed the button and, as expected, they needed to identify themselves so they could go down, since only authorized personnel were allowed down there. It was a tense moment, none of them was sure that it would work. Natasha was used to carefully premeditated plans and she didn't like the sensation of knowing they were following a plan in which there might be flaws. The elevator moved smoothly, she could barely feel it. Unlike many other elevators, it didn't make such a big bump when it arrived at the last floor.

The doors slid open again and her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. It was a big room with many separate floors all connected by suspended bridges. The room was completely secure, the walls were all lined with plumb, so the Gama radiation that the scepter emitted wouldn't leak, even if it was an insignificant quantity. There were many tables and scientists walked quickly all over the lab taking notes and carrying stuff. Natasha stepped slowly out of the elevator, as if she was scared of the environment. She spotted Steve's tall figure and blond head already walking amidst the crowd of white lab coats.

It took her a little longer to spot the scepter, but, when she did, it was as if no one could stop her, as if the scepter was calling her. As she approached it, the extremely appealing object made of gold and one of the gems of the universe, it seemed to glow even more. When she was close enough, she started to reach for it, but a strong hand placed on her shoulder made her stop. That touch, it belonged to Steve and it broke her transe.

"Nat," He whispered, "What are you doing?"

"I am..." She started to say, but she didn't actually know the answer for his question, "I... I don't know. It seemed to be calling for me."

"I'll see if I can get my hands on any useful information and you should do the same." He told her before turning his back on her, "Oh, and try to maintain distance from this, you saw what it did to Loki. I'd hate to see you the same way." The last part was an almost inaudible whisper.

"Fine." She replied and walked away from the scepter, trying – and succeeding – to ignore the energy that seemed to pull her back to it. There were many other chemicals being submitted to experiments, so, knowing what they were and that they were used in whatever mix she and Steve were studying. As she stopped at the many balconies and read the files of what was being studied there. Most of the chemicals they were working with had the same effect as drugs such as cocaine and some others used by athletes to increase their resistance. Most of them aimed to increase the number of mitochondria and hemoglobin in the blood. Those traits, they seemed familiar, just like the serum she had taken. The serum.

Then, realization hit her, they were making a serum just like hers and Steve's, an improved one, to create even better soldiers and spies. Why? She had no idea, unless Russia was planning on attacking the U.S... But why would they want that? Despite the usual grudge held towards each other, she couldn't seem to find any major reasons for the rivalry between the two potencies at the moment.

Along with that doubt, came so many more of them, how did Zola manage to get his hands on the recipe of the serum? It had died with the American scientist, Dr. Erskine and the Russian one whose name she did not know. She remembered a man - she couldn't seem to remember his name, but his face seemed very familiar to someone she knew – telling her that no one had ever written down the formula, since it could get into the wrong person's hands. And what was the scepter being used for? It wasn't like it could enhance one's power or anything.

Until that moment, she had managed to ignore, if not forget, about the existence of that damned artifact, but its call for her got louder and louder until she couldn't ignore it anymore and she had to make her way back to where it was. All the other scientists ignored her as she neared the table where she was heading to. When she stopped in front of it, she pretended to be reading some files and that her hand touched the artifact. She touched it briefly, only once, but it was enough to send a wave of power, something like energy, through her body. Natasha felt her head start to hurt again as, in the speed of light, images flew through her head, blue colored images, she knew they were memories, but couldn't distinguish them.

A small groan left her mouth as she stumbled towards the elevator where they had come from. She could barely think straight at the moment, her vision was blurry and her head throbbed with images and memories and voices of her past, she couldn't focus on anything, but to get to the lab where she reckoned to be the safest place around.

**~X~**

Natasha opened the door, still tumbling, tripping on her own feet. When she heard the familiar sound of the door closing behind her, she on her knees, panting in pain as she allowed it to fill her body, an excruciating pain on her head, spread all over her body, so strong, she found herself unable to move. She couldn't stop them, the voices, the images, all of them were part of her past, some she couldn't even remember living. Then she fainted. Just like the other time she tried to remember, just that, Steve wasn't there to help her that time.

She opened her eyes and blinked twice. The first time to defog her eyes and the second to adjust her pupils to the dim artificial lighting of the lab. The scent of chemicals was strong in the air and, for a second, she wondered if she had accidentally hit a glass containing something toxic, but she dismissed the idea. She forced herself to stand and finding with satisfaction that her legs were obeying her and so was the rest of her body. Then she moved her hand to the comlink in her ear.

"Steve?" She asked after clearing her throat, "Are you there?"

It took him a while to answer, but he finally did, "Yeah, I am. Nat, we have to evacuate _now_"

Natasha didn't even question his orders, she didn't even ask why, not only she understood the situation they found themselves in but also she was eager to leave the place. She walked quickly towards the door and found that she couldn't walk too fast, else her head started to spin and she had to stop. She sighed and kept her head low all the way to the elevator, hoping she wouldn't have to share it with anyone.

As she wished, the elevator was empty and she pressed the button that led to the exit once, trying to keep her demeanor calm, not to show anyone – even if she was alone – the internal battle she was having with herself at the moment, trying to keep her feelings under control, trying to keep them in, because she knew that, if the leaked, even the smallest drop, she wouldn't be able to restrain the flood that came after it.

She was back outside, it had started to snow again and the wind was cold, she lifted the collar of her coat to protect her neck and rubbed her hands together, even though she was wearing gloves, it was still cold. Natasha waited for Steve outside the car when she heard gunshots. Natasha immediately reached for the 50mm automatic handgun she kept attached to her leg, she had one made especially for her when she entered S.H.I.E.L.D, its colors were graffiti and black, a mix between the two and only she could shoot it – it had system that recognized her fingerprints (a small gift from Stark) – the bullets were also specific, they entered the body through a small hole and shattered inside the victim's body.

She clicked off the safety and ran silently to the place where the gunshots were coming from, doing her best to ignore the dizziness. It didn't even bother her anymore, she had to find out what it was and nothing would stop her. Nothing. There wasn't an obstacle she couldn't overcome. When she was close enough, she saw it, Steve running from men, around thirty of them. Natasha sighed and reached for her other gun. While Steve was using his shield to protect himself and eventually dodge any bullets shot at him, Natasha aimed to kill.

Each one of her shots hit the target perfectly, headshots, instant kills. Deaths that didn't even leave time for the victims to process what was happening. She watched as many more of them appeared from the woods, she knew she couldn't take all of them down on her own. Dozens of men dressed in black running after them. She had no choice but to run. Fighting in that situation was a suicide call.

"Steve!" She shouted looking back, he was fighting the men, but not killing them. He was giving them a chance of a fair fight. "Run!"

"Go, Nat! I'll catch up with you."

"I'm not leaving you here." She ran back to where he was, knocking out whoever dared to step in her way. More of them seemed to come from everywhere, materialize in front of them. She took his hands and dragged him with her to the car, wondering what he had done to be followed by those men.

They got to the car and Natasha sat in the driver's seat, she waited for Steve to enter before driving off fast, too fast, almost. As they went away from the base and into relative safety, their breathings steadied and the adrenaline left their veins, the headache returned. It was much lighter than earlier.

"Steve." She said, her voice was unsure, almost a murmur as she spoke, "What did you do?"

"I... I don't know." He muttered after spending a few seconds in silence, "I mean, I was just walking around casually checking the files, when two guards told me they wanted to speak to me. I went with them and they attacked me."

"Um... That's weird." Natasha stated, "They must have realized that we're not scientists, perhaps not them, but somebody else, someone who's always watching."

"Nat... can I ask you something?" The silence that reigned between them was broken again.

"Sure." It was her reply.

"What was that with the scepter?"He asked, his voice was almost cracking, as if he was scared of asking that, scared of her reply, scared of _her_. And that almost broke her.

"I have no idea, and thanks for not letting me touch it, I don't even know what could happen if I did." She told him, her voice did not crack or falter, it was clean and remorseless just the contrary of what she felt, she felt bad because she was lying to him, something she had promised she wouldn't do, but she shrugged it off. It wasn't like he was going to find out anyway.

"And where were you while I was running from them?"

"I discovered something." She told him, never straying her eyes off the slippery road. "I discovered what they are doing."

"And what is it?" Impatience bled in his words.

"They are creating a version of the serum, an improved one and they are using particles of that stone in the center of the scepter." She said.

"What are the particles for?"

"I don't know I'll see if I can find anything out."

They were already entering the city again, she hadn't even noticed the time pass and she was grateful for that. She needed a hot shower and drink and a painkiller (though she knew it wouldn't work on her). She gave the car to the valet that stood in front of the hotel and they both went to the room.

"I'm going to take a bath now, Steve." She announced, she didn't actually know she did that, but she did before walking to the bathroom.

She undressed and, for the first time in a long while, she had a bath in the tub. She allowed herself to relax completely as the water touched her limbs. She closed her eyes and sighed. After around 15 minutes that way, her headache stopped and she started to wash up. When she was done, she went back to the bathroom wrapped on her towel and went to the closet where she chose her clothes. Jeans and a big loose shirt. Then she laid on the bed staring at the ceiling trying to figure why they were using the scepter.

She remembered what it did to Clint and to those who Loki touched with the tip of it, their eyes turned blue and they obeyed his orders without questioning. Mind control. She was almost getting to an answer, but there was still one piece of the puzzle missing. There was something more she needed to make the final connection.

She stood and paced around the room to see if that would help clear her mind. She also needed to understand what had happened with the scepter, she had no idea but it had awakened memories she didn't even know she had. Then her phone rang, breaking her line of thought.

"Hey." She answered.

"Natasha." Fury's voice sounded from the other side of the line.

"Did you put the dogs outside? I don't want any robbers to enter the house." She said.

"Yes, I did. Don't worry."

"Great. I have to tell you what I found." Natasha said, she knew that they were speaking through a secure line. "H.Y.D.R.A is developing an improved Super Soldier Serum."

"Very well. What else?"

"They are using particles of the stone in Loki's scepter in it. I still haven't figured out what it is for."

"Good." He muttered, making the corner of her lips curve lightly into a smile. She enjoyed the approval that sounded in his voice. "Natasha, I have a job for you. I need a sample of the serum they are making."

"What for?" Her smile dropped. "For you to test it on innocent citizens, create more soldiers? Spies? Don't we have enough of them already?"

"Yes, we do. That's why we are going to use to improve the quality of people's life. Imagine that, no diseases, people living for a longer time..."

"Stop. Just stop. I'm not going to take the serum back to the US. I would never forgive myself for being the cause of all of the American citizens pain and demise. I want to wipe the red on my ledger and not stain it even more. If you want someone to do this kind of dirty work for you, then you better ask Steve, because I'm not going to accept any job like this one."

"Very well. I'm just telling you dr. Banner's request."

"Okay. Well, good night, Direc- ,I mean, Nick, I had a long day." She hung up and sighed running a hand through her hair. It wasn't night there, she had lied to get rid of Fury.

Natasha then went to the living room, where she found Steve watching a show in Russian.

"Hey, Nat." He said.

"Hi, Steve." She replied and sat on the couch by his side. "What are you watching."

"I don't know, I wasn't even paying attention."

"I have an idea." She suddenly blurted after watching a few moments of the show. "You told me you hadn't seen much of Moscow that day, so I'm taking you to the Pushkin Museum."

"Great." He nodded and smiled at her, "I just need to have a bath and change."

"Okay. I think I need to change too." She told him and both of them went to the room.

Natasha decided on a warm sweater and a black long coat with fur. She also wore a hat to protect her ears and head and the leather gloves and high heel boots she loved. She got her purse and put in it the things she thought she would need, lipstick, money, her phone and a small handgun just for precaution. In fact, carrying a gun had become an habit for her, she carried guns whenever she went out, it gave her a sense of safety, even if it was a fake one. Then she went to the living room and continued watching the same boring show.

When Steve walked into the room again, he was dressed nicely in his winter clothes and she couldn't help but stare. They went down to the lobby and she noticed that he seemed pretty excited to get to the museum. He insisted on driving them there and she agreed, she knew he like to do gentlemanly acts like that.

Finally, they arrived at the Pushkin, the beautiful building, constructed in a classical style, resembled the ones from Greece made of pure white marble and with the pediment fully decorated with sculptures. The snow that fell intensely from the sky painted the scenery white, and it was beautiful, immaculate. Natasha marveled at the building and the landscape around it. They parked the car at a nearby parking lot and walked a small distance to the entrance of the museum, even though it was extremely short, it was cold and she held on tight onto Steve's arm as if it would protect her from the wind that made her shiver. Apparently, he noticed that she was practically shaking, because he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer, shielding her from cold.

They climbed the slippery staircase that led and Natasha continued gripping on his arm, she couldn't risk falling down the stairs. The inside of the museum was even magnificent than the outside, there was another staircase – a much bigger one – made of marble for them to climb. Since there was no snow and a carpet so the visitors wouldn't slip, it was with much resentment that Natasha let go of Steve's arm and climbed on her own. She was still close to him, though. Sometimes, their fingers brushed against each other lightly, sending small waves of electricity through her body.

They stopped in each room to see the works of art carefully, Steve seemed to have the same taste for art as her, since they both stood a long while observing the ballerina paintings of Degas. The one she liked the most was the "Blue dancers". It reminded her of the old days in which was a ballerina, she missed it, even if it was an illusion. After they went through all the rooms, it was very near the closing time and they went out of the museum. Natasha grabbed onto him again, and, just as during the visit, no word was shared between them during their way to the car and that was when she realized that the silence between them wasn't an awkward one – not to her at least – it was comfortable,a as if no word had to be spoken for them to understand what one was feeling.

When they were back in the car with the heater turned on, Natasha finally spoke, "I never knew you enjoyed art."

"Well, most people don't know. In fact, besides Bucky, you're the only one who knows." He replied straying his eyes off the road for a mere second.

"Really? I feel honored." She said, words that could be considered mocking if said by any other person, coming from her mouth didn't sound like it. Natasha spoke the truth when she told him that.

"Thank you. I even went to art school, but I only studied one year. It was during the war, y'know?" He told her, his words were dark, as if he resented not being able to study one of the things he loved the most. "I think art is a very deep form of expressing the feelings, with each line traced on the canvas, each movement of the brush, you are able to read a bit of the painter's soul."

"Wow... Those are very beautiful words." She muttered thoughtfully. "I never thought of it that way."

"Thank you." He replied smiling. It was a warm smile that was reflect in his eyes as well and she smiled back at him. Seeing him happy made her happy.

**~X~**

Natasha was sitting in front of the computer writing her report of the mission, her finger tapped quickly on the keys, making a low noise. She tried to ignore the sensation on the back of her head that the familiar face that had appeared in her mind a few hours earlier held the key to what they were searching. But whose face might it be? She closed her eyes and tried to rescue the memory, but she found herself unable. At the moment, her mind was a complete mess and she would need a while to reorganize them.

"Hey, why are you still awake?" Steve asked, his voice coming from behind her made her turn to face him.

"I'm writing the mission report." She told him tiredly.

"Oh... Nat, did Fury call you?"

"Yes, he did." She replied, so he had taken her suggestion.

"Did he ask you to bring the serum back to the U.S.?"

"Yes."

"And what did you tell him?"

"I told him I wouldn't do that. That I wouldn't be responsible for anymore suffering."

"I thought so." He said looking down. She didn't know if his words were good or bad.

"Did he call you?" It was her turn to inquire.

"Yes."

"And what did you say?" She didn't know what to expect.

"I told him the same. I guess only you and I know how it is like to take the serum. I didn't expect him to understand our decision either way."

"Yeah..." She smiled at him and stretched.

"Well, I'm going to bed. Good night, Nat."

"Night, Steve. I'm going in a few minutes." She watched him as he went to bed and laid on it.

It wasn't even weird for her anymore to share the bed with him and he seemed not to mind either, in fact, he seemed almost comfortable with that. She typed a few more words and, deciding she should sleep, she closed the computer and went to the bed. She covered herself and turned on the bed so she was facing the window. Natasha watched the snowflakes hit the glass until she fell asleep.

**~X~**

**A/N: Hey, guys! Sorry for the delay. I tried to make this chapter longer because of the amount of time I spent without updating this one :3 Well, I hope you enjoy.**

**R&amp;R**


	10. Nightmares

_'Drakov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire... You ledger is dripping, it's gushing red!' Loki shouted slamming his fist against the glass wall. The impact of the punch startled her and she retreated a few steps as he continued with the speech she had heard dozens of times before, "I will make him torture you in every way he knows you hate..." Well, Clint didn't exactly know the tortures she hated, she hard never told him that so she had nothing to worry about._

_Then, in a swirl of red, orange and blue, the vision switched to one of her standing on a rooftop. She gazed down below, the city was painted white, pure white because of the snow that intensely fell from the dark sky. Natasha wore a white and thick fur coat and white pants to both protection from the cold and camouflage. She held a sniper gun in her hand as she knelt and prepared to shoot. She had a perfect aim and wouldn't miss the shot, Drakov's head. She was almost pulling the trigger when a new command sounded through the communicator on her ear. She was to take her target's daughter and torture her for information._

_She scowled at the voice, but obeyed either way. Natasha waited until all of the lights in the house had been turned off before making her way silently towards it. She knew Anya – that was the politician's daughter name – slept on the third floor and she had no problem in breaking in without making any noises. The blond girl couldn't have been more than six years old, perhaps five, she didn't have time to ask her. It was all so quick. In no time, she entered the room and escaped with the girl. Anya was locked in one of the cold and scary interrogation rooms of the Red Room facility._

_It was as if they were trying not only to torture the small girl but also Natasha. Well, it wasn't like she minded torturing people at the time, much on the contrary, she loved to do so. She was truly cold, even colder than she was now, some might even call he wicked, so she didn't mind torturing Anya. The sound of the high pitched screams that left her mouth were like music to her ears. She remembered watching the senator cry as she slowly inserted thick needles underneath his daughter's nails, making small dark red droplets of blood dripped on the floor, staining not only the cold gray concrete, but her ledger as well. The man finally spit out the info they wanted, just in time to see Natasha put a bullet inside his little girl's skull._

_Anya, she was 5, maybe six and Natasha was 15. Only ten years older and, technically still a child, even though her innocence was long gone._

_It all turned blue then. She was laying in the cold, wearing only a thin white hospital nightgown. It did nothing to stop the cold that bit through her skin and made her shiver. She sat upright and noticed that her feet were tied to the table, still, she tried to recognize where she was. She realize she was sitting on a cold metal surface. She looked around those familiar beeping noises. She was back in the Red Room facility. There wasn't even an option in which she wouldn't remember that place, the one room in the entire base she feared, the one everyone feared. The metal door facing the table she was sitting on slid opening revealing a group of five scientists._

"_Now, Natalia, lay down. Be calm and nothing's going to happen to you." One of the scientists, with a strangely familiar voice said as he approached her. The blinding light they put right in her face made it impossible for her to see who he was, who they all were._

_More of them walked towards her and each one took hold of her arms and legs, so she couldn't struggle too much. She was pined down to the table so she couldn't look up. Then she felt a needle rip the soft skin of her arm and a thick liquid enter her veins. Then she started to convulse, she could feel it running through her veins, it felt, at the same time, burning hot and freezing cold, she couldn't think straight, the pain was numbing her mind. But, for more excruciating that the pain might be, she wasn't allowed to black out, as if something was stopping her body from doing so. She was forced to feel the pain from the moment it started until it ended._

_When they were done with the procedure, the scientists left the room and she was all by herself. She closed her eyes, her body ached so much she couldn't sleep, she couldn't rest, she couldn't abstract herself from the pain – something she had mastered many years before. Yet, she felt stronger, younger, better, different from the skinny and frail little girl she had always been. It was weird._

"_Well, Natalia." A man walked into the room, but her vision was too blurry for her to identify him, all she knew was that he was the same one who had spoken to her before, "I can see that this serum does work. I have not been fooled. You can start your training... Now." He said._

_It all turned black. And then, in a burst of light, white. It was all white. She could only hear the voices echoing through the empty space, voices of everyone she had ever met, friends, foes and some who she couldn't even identify._

"_You are nothing but a liar!" She heard Clint say, she looked around, but couldn't see him, all that surrounded her was white._

"_Yeah, a liar and a killer." Tony spoke._

"_You couldn't even stop me when I needed you to. You are puny, defenseless. You are just another worthless killer."_

"_All you know is how to drink and try to forget your past."_

"_You think yourself so much better than anyone else, o much smarter, stronger... You're not. In fact, you have nothing special. I am strong and smart, even more than you are, Bruce can turn into a monster, Clint has the perfect aim, Tony is a genius and Thor is a god. What are you? A cold-blooded assassin, a useless spy. You are not worthy pf being in the team. Fury just let you join because you're his lapdog." It was Steve who said that, and his words broke her more than anything else, the simple fact that it was him who was saying it was enough to tear her apart._

"_Stop it." Her voice was a murmur and she repeated those words as if they were a prayer to a God she didn't even believe in. But the voices got louder and louder._

"_STOP IT!" she screamed at last._

Natasha woke up screaming and panting. She had tossed and turned in bed, so she wasn't covered by the sheets anymore. Her hair was mated to her neck and small droplets of sweat gathered above her brow. She could feel Steve's strong arms grip on hers. She had woken him up.

"Nat?" He asked, "Are you okay?"

Natasha was speechless for a moment, trying to process her nightmares, she simply stared into Steve's deep blue eyes, she could feel the knot in her throat tighten. _'I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry...' _She repeated on her head, but she found herself unable to do that and, before she even had time to realize, a tear slipped down her cheek and even more of them threatened to fall from her eyes and trickled on her eyelashes, making them shine. She tried to wipe them away, in an effort to hide her face so he would not see her in such frail state, but the tears kept flowing.

Her breath was caught in her throat at the feeling of it, his strong arms wrapped around her body, his scent suddenly so much stronger than before and it all felt so much warmer. At first, her body tensed, his touch was something she longed for, something that was almost foreign to her and she simply closed her eyes, buried her head on his chest and allowed herself to cry. Natasha, who was a master in hiding what she felt, couldn't do that anymore. Not at that moment. She could pretend that nothing happened in the morning.

"Don't worry, Nat. I'm here for you." Steve whispered in her ear. His tone was caring, just the opposite as the one he used in her dream and that made her cry even more. "I'm here."

His embrace on her tightened and Natasha closed her eyes and wondered if the words she heard in her head were what he actually thought of her, what all of her friends thought of her. Slowly, she drifted to sleep in his arms. That time, she had no dreams, no nightmares, nothing. She just enjoyed his warmth.

**~X~**

"Steve?" Natasha groaned when she opened her eyes.

"Yes, Nat?" He replied, his deep voice sounded like honey in her ears and her lips curved into a small, subtle smile.

"Good morning." She said and then realized that he was spooning her. She didn't remember how that happened. Then the images of the night before came back to her.

"Are you feeling better?" Steve asked.

"Yes." She replied and stretched, somewhat on purpose. "Steve, what time is it?"

"Ten a.m" He replied calmly, as if he didn't mind the fact that they were late for their mission.

Natasha suddenly stood up, "But we have to go to the base!"

"Nat." Steve stood and walked to her, placing both of his hands on her shoulders to keep her still, "We're not going today."

"But we have to-"

"Nat, no." He said firmly. "You had a rough night and we have to wait a couple of days before we can go. After they discovered me."

"But... I can't allow a personal problem get in the way of our mission." She said, running a hand through her hair nervously. Everything had to be executed with perfection. Anything less than perfect was not enough.

"Natasha, calm down. We _are_ taking the day off and it's not only because of you." He said, "It's because of many things, you need res, I need rest and we are being hunted down in that base."

"Right." She sighed finally calming down. He let go of her arms.

"Right." He nodded, "Since we won't be able to enter the place looking as we do right now, why don't we take the next two days off, plan our disguises and do something?"

"Sounds like a good plan." She nodded, "Now, I'll take a bath so we can go out."

"Sure." Steve nodded and she went to the bathroom.

_'What just happened, Natasha? You just had a nervous breakdown in front of someone?" _She scolded herself the moment she closed the door behind her. _'You can't let that happen again." _But then she remembered the feeling of his strong arms around her, his hot breathing against her neck and how good it had felt waking up with him that morning. Surely, she wouldn't mind that happening everyday.


	11. New Beginning

**A/N: Everything that's in italic was translated from Russian.**

**-I'm sorry for making you wait so long for an update, I thought I was going to be able to do it sooner, but, since I couldn't, I made this chapter a little longer :) I hope you enjoy.**

**~X~**

Natasha and Steve were taking the day off. They went out to get to know the city better. Though she had memorized every single street and had the map in her head, she had never actually taken time to visit the city, in fact, she never had the time to visit it. The temperature was a bit warmer than the days before and, since it had snowed the night before, the sky was clear and there were even rays of sunlight that broke through the thick and gray clouds. There were many people walking through the streets. Tourists, she reckoned, for they didn't speak Russian.

"They're all going to the Kremlin." Steve said, and she nodded, she already knew, the Kremlin was the main attraction.

Natasha looked around, enjoying the sensation of being normal. Then she spotted the Kremlin and the Red Square. The floor of the square was white, covering all the red pavement, as if to make up for all the blood that had been spilled there. Natasha sighed, with a bit of sadness when she looked at it.

"Where do _you _want to go, Стив?" She asked teasingly with a smile.

"Do you have any suggestions?" He replied looking at her, a playful tone on his voice and a smile on his lips.

"Um... Have you ever been to the Forgotten Kremlin?"

"Nope, never."

"Then we should go there, it's beautiful." Natasha had been there a couple of times for missions and it was very pretty. "It's just a few km outside Moscow, if we leave now, we'll be back in time for dinner."

"Sure, if you say it's pretty, I trust you," He nodded with a smile as they turned around and made their way back to the hotel so they could get the car.

_'I trust you._' It was the second time he told her that and he seemed to have no idea of how much that meant to her. Perhaps, he did.

They took the car and, in about 30 minutes they were there. And she was right. The Kremlin in Izmailovo was very beautiful. The walls of the palace were white and the colors stood out, blue, red, green... It seemed to mix with the sky and the snow, so it's towers seemed to be floating. It was even more pretty, she dared say, than the on in the Red Square.

"Wow." Steve mouthed as he parked the car. "This is, indeed very pretty."

They spent the day exploring the city and sightseeing. It was the first time in her life that Natasha did that.

They were walking down a street in a poorer neighborhood when a gypsy called them. Natasha didn't believe in that kind of thing and she knew that it would cost them a whole lot of money, but Steve insisted, so she had no option but to comply.

"_Beautiful blonde man first,"_ The woman said, "_Choose your cards, Steve._"

Steve looked at Natasha searching for an explanation, but she had none to offer him. Perhaps, she really could read the destiny. Steve moved his gaze to the cards that were displayed neatly across the table, face downwards. He took his time in picking the cards and the woman turned them when he had chosen them. She studied the cards before finally saying.

_"The Lovers!"_ She exclaimed and Steve blushed, "_Attraction, you attract a lot of people, especially those you have your eyes on. Romantic achievements, you're going to have someone that you want, and you're going to date them ... In the very near future_" With every word, Steve blushed more deeply, Natasha was unsure of why.

The gypsy turned another card, _"Strength."_ She stated and smiled as she pronounced the other words, "_You are strong, mentally and physically. You have a gentle heart, a humble one, and you are always ready to help others. It's good._"

The last card, _"Justice"_ the woman said, "_You will experience a balance of heart and mind, and it's time to fight. It will take you time to recover from this loss, but you will be better in the end, although you will never forget it, perhaps never forgive it._"

Natasha knew that Steve was thinking about Peggy, he would always think about her, the perfect girl, his girl.

"_Now you, Natalia."_ Natasha shuddered upon hearing those words, the depth of her name when he gypsy spoke it, she could almost feel the air get heavier. "_Pick your cards_."

Natasha chose three cards, just as Steve did, the ones that seemed more appealing to her. Slowly, hesitantly, she pulled the cards towards her. The woman turned the first one.

"_The lovers."_ The gypsy smiled knowingly, as if she knew what was happening inside Natasha's head. "_I must day the same thing I said o him for you, only that it's up to you. Your future relationship is in your hands child._"

Natasha didn't quite understand her words, did Steve love her? Or maybe she loved someone else and she didn't know yet. James or Clint perhaps, she didn't know.

"_You'll start a new journey and it's time for you to make a choice, a very important choice that will set the fate of everyone around you. You are also going to hurt a lot of people around you because of that._" The woman said and she rubbed her hands together to warm up from the cold. She payed a lot of attention to the woman's word. Maybe she believed in all that gypsy talk, after all.

"_The tower. you are facing utter destruction,an unstoppable change, a test of faith. And it will take everything you got not to give up, but you are a very centered person, so I have no doubt that you will make it. Remember always stay strong and believe in your personal code."_

Natasha wondered what kind of test that would be, if she was ready to face it and if it the time was near. She needed to start building her inner walls again, harden her heart... "_No, child, don't do that. Always be open to love and feelings. There isn't a thing more beautiful than that in the world, feelings."_

The red head stopped and looked at the woman shocked. How did she know what she was thinking. She had met gods and aliens and suffered all kinds of stuff, but she had never met anyone who could read minds and that frightened her, someone that could enter her mental barrier, the only fortress she was sure no one could break into. Until a few moments ago, that was.

Then the gypsy turned the last card and her eyes widened. "_This is a dangerous, uncertain card, my child. The judgment." _The gypsy's voice was grave, warning her of what she thought to be incoming danger, "_You are going to face the judgment, pay for your sins or be rewarded for your past efforts. It's all going to happen very soon, sooner than you expect and it will take you by surprise. Be careful, be careful."_

They were done with that woman, so they went away after paying. Natasha was uneasy because of all that she had heard, was it all true? Did Steve love her? That was her biggest doubt. She had faced challenges concerning her life many times before, one more wouldn't make any difference.

Then they went back to the hotel. That day had been perfect, calm. She had been wanting to do that for a long while. She wanted to do that again the next day, and the next one, and the next one, just to be close to Steve. But she couldn't. They had to end that mission and they had to do it quick.

"Steve." She said when they were back in the room, "We have to go back tomorrow, I have a plan ready."

"Okay, whatever you want, Nat." He told her jumping on the bed and laying with his back on the mattress, "And what is your plan?"

Natasha laid on the bed next to him, "So, I'm going in as a scientist just as always and you are gong in too. I'll try to sneak on Verhoeven's office while you get the serum samples. Then, when we are both out, with a bomb I made with some Methanol I found there, I'll explode the base. We can't afford to waste anymore time."

"Are you sure this is safe?" He turned to face him and she noticed that he was too close to her, but she didn't mind, not then, she was too focused on the plan.

"Yes, 100% sure. I calculated all of this with precision."

"If you say so." He shrugged.

**~X~**

Natasha had barely slept during the night, she was too worried about the mission to care. When morning came, both of them got up silently and left to the base. Their way was made in silence, an awkward silence unlike the other mornings. Both of them were tense, that was too risky, even for her. When they got there, they got off the car and went to where the rampage was.

The place was much more safely guarded than the other times. It wasn't like she wasn't expecting that, she knew that it would be that way. One by one, she took them down with ease, it was incredible how no matter where it was, the soldiers didn't have even half the training she had. Then she entered the base. Steve was right behind her.

"Steve, listen to me." She stopped and told him. She looked at her watch, "It's 9:00 now. If I'm not out by 10:30, go, don't wait for me and don't look back."

"How? Natasha!"

"Steve, don't ask questions, just do it. It's for the best, I can assure you."

"Nat..." she started to move but he grabbed her hand, "Nat... I... Just... Don't die. I'll be waiting for you."

Natasha looked down then looked back at him, a confident look on her eyes as she said, "I won't." Then she walked into the base and made her way to Gerhad's office. She picked the lock and went in, finding, with much satisfaction, that the room was empty. She looked through the files and found nothing, she accessed the computer and found nothing. But she didn't give up, there was a secret compartment somewhere in that room and she was determined to find it. And she did. Underneath the desk. There were files of all kinds of thing and it took her a while to find the ones she needed, the reports of the experiments.

Natasha opened one of the portfolios and read it. There was a partnership between Hydra and the Red Room. People from Hydra were working in the serum developed by the red room and improving it with the Tesseract particles, trying to create not only supersoldiers, but demigods. The man responsible for the experiments was Verhoeven, he was an ex-general from Kgb.

Her head started to hurt, his face seemed so familiar, Gerhard's... Where had she seen him before? Yes, of course! How had she missed it?!

"The scientist that made the serum..." She said to herself.

"_Yes, Natalia._" She turned around and saw him, wondering how she had missed it. It was so obvious, he had been right behind her all along, yet, he was one step ahead. "_I'm the developer of the serum. And you're just what I need to finish the experiment._"

Natasha retreated a few steps, not knowing what to do, her head hurt and there were so many memories at once flooding her mind. She couldn't actually figure what to do. And, as she walked back, he walked forward, cornering her, "_I must say that I doubted your skill, not as a spy, but in bed. Still, you surprise me, once more."_

"_Why?"_ She asked, she wanted to know why he was doing that.

"_You ask why? Is it not obvious? Power. I want the power that was promised to me back when the USSR still existed and the only way is creating demigods"_

"_So you think that the same thing that happened to the supersoldiers won't happen to the demigods?"_

"_What happened to the super soldiers?"_

"_The all rebelled against the KGB and the Red Room." _She told him, she knew of that subject better than him, she was a rebel herself after all.

"_It won't happen, we have control over them."_

"_You _think _you have control, just as you did with me, with James. You don't. You are repeating the same mistake of years ago and you are all going down. If not by my hands, then by the hands of your own creation._" She spat at him and he hit her.

"_Enough! Dmitri, deal with her now!"_

A man twice her size entered the room and hit her on the head so hard that she fainted.

**~X~**

She was dizzy and her head ached, he had hit her hard. Natasha looked at her wrist, her watch was still there, they were too careless underestimating her. The hands had stopped, frozen at 10:00 and she had no way of knowing the present time. It could very well be past 10:30 and Steve could have already left. It was with that thought that she waited. It was better for her not to rush. She could keep track of the time that passed, at least.

When about ten minutes had passed, the door behind her opened and the same man that had knocked her out entered the room. He walked towards her so he was facing her and displayed all the torture instruments that he had on a table in front of her. The room was quiet, he made no sound as he chose the weapon he was going to use. A knife, a very sharp one.

The man opened a gash of flesh on her chest with his knife. 'Great,' she thought, 'One more for my collection.' That man, the one who was responsible for her torture was Dmitri, a soldier from the Red Room, one experiment just like James was. He was a good man and soldier and he had been her friend, perhaps she could change his mind and escape.

She wasn't always considered a threat to the Red Room, she was their little docile lamb, the exemplar agent, the Widow all the others should follow. But Natasha, she was a snake. She was silent and she was patient. There was a reason why she was such a great hunter and never the prey.

" Natalia Romanova..." he murmured her name and cut a lock of her red hair with his knife, "The Black Widow... it's an honor to have you here."

Dmitri had already cut her in several places, that way, her death would be painful and slow, but she didn't care. She would only embrace death if it was to come. Had she been younger, she would have fought for her life with all her willpower. But she wasn't. And the only thing that kept her alive had most likely already left.

"Dmitri," she said, her voice was still strong, "it's been a long time since we last saw each other."

"What a beautiful face you have, Natalia. I have always admired your beauty. Your lips..." he ran the knife through her lips making a small cut. And, as he said each part of her face, he made small scratches on it, not enough to make her bleed leave scars. Just enough to leave small red marks. "What a shame it would be if someone ruined it. Isn't it?"

"I don't worry about it." She shrugged, she really didn't. "Now, why don't you work with something more painful?"

"I will." He chose the knife and started. He cut her in several places, places that hurt and that meant that she would be left to die. And that went on for hours. She needed to find a way of escaping without giving in.

"What do you want Dmitri? What does Verhoeven wants?"

"He wants you dead." He told her, "As for me, I don't want anything. I... I just want my life back."

"I can help you achieve it, get your life back, make new friends, start over." She told him.

"Can you?" He stopped. That man, he was only good at following orders.

"Yes, I can, all you need to do is untie my hands."

"But... But they are taking you to some place else, another lab so they can perform the experiments on you."

"Yes, I know, but, you must let me go, I will do you no good if I'm dead."

"Okay." He nodded and untied her hands. As soon as she was free, she muttered a quick apology and hit him. It was almost comical how a man who was much bigger than her could succumb to her blows so quickly, but she didn't have time to think about that, so she left.

When she got out of the room, it was with much pleasure that she found that she was in the first floor. With the bomb a few floors below, the whole structure would fall leaving no trace of its existence and she would finally be able to return to the USA, to continue with her life.

"Romanova!" She heard a voice behind her scream. She didn't turn back to see who was calling her, she didn't risk it. Natasha started to run.

Though every single inch of her body hurt because of the cuts, she ran, she couldn't get caught. She approached the exit and left the place. It was only when she was out in the cold that she tuned around. It seemed as if an entire army was following her and she didn't stop, not even for a second before pressing the button on her watch that triggered the bomb. She watched as the men fell down, being forever buried in a grave of stone, snow and dirt. The last remains of the lab and the base were wiped out of the world.

Then she started to head back. As she expected, Steve had already left and she was all alone in those woods. She needed to head back, to get to Moscow, to her apartment to treat her wounds and go back to Washington. And that was the one thought in her mind as she stopped a car on the road and stole it. She drove back to the city and to her apartment.

**~X~**

She had slept far too much, but she couldn't blame herself, she needed rest after losing that much blood the day before. Her apartment in Moscow was dusty. It had been years since she last used it. And now, sitting on her couch, checking her guns and her belongings, she figured that it would be better if Steve thought she was dead. He would be in danger if he knew the truth, if her enemies knew that he knew the truth. So, with the fake name of Catherine Lund, she bought herself a plane ticked straight back to D.C.

It was 3:00 a.m when she knocked on Sam's door. Her fist making a low noise, she didn't have anymore strength, she had been followed there and her stitches had opened on her way there.

"Natasha." He said, when he noticed her state, his eyes widened. "Come in."

She didn't know what to say. She had no time of saying anything, because she lost consciouness moments before her body hit the ground.


	12. Explanation

**A/N: Hey! Another update, this is getting easier and easier to write since I'm reaching the chapters I had planned since the beginning :3**

**So, yeah, this chap will have more angst.**

**R&amp;R**

**~X~**

Natasha woke up, her head pounded and her body ached where she had stitched herself. She sat on the bed and looked to her left and recognized the room in Sam's house where she had been with Steve, then she looked to her right and saw Sam. Slowly, faded memories of the day before returned and she allowed herself to sink back in the bed.

"Good morning, Natasha." He said, mistrust bleeding in his voice.

"Hi, Sam." She replied tiredly, "Thanks for taking me in."

"That's all you have to say?" He asked, "You make everyone believe that you're dead, then you show up at my door bleeding and faint before me and all you have to say is _'Hi, Sam_'?"

"I'm sorry... I really am..." She was at the edge of breaking down.

"Why don't you tell me your reasons for doing that?" He asked. Sam, he had the right to know. He took her in when she needed someone, he was her friend and he was an Avenger.

"Okay." She sat on the bed and looked at him, "So, Steve and I were in Russia in a mission, hunting a Hydra base. We thought we knew everything that was behind that mission, but we were so wrong. There was so much we didn't know. And I wish we had discovered them before. So, it happens that it was an Hydra and Red Room base and they were making experiments with the same serum I too, improvements. The coordinator of the project was a man from the Red Room who knew me, he wanted to kill me and hunt Steve." Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, she didn't know why, she shouldn't even be crying. Natasha felt his hand on her shoulder, "Then he took to interrogation and he tortured me, I could handle it, but I couldn't allow him to touch Steve, so I faked my death and left."

There was a moment of silence in which no words were spoken and the only sound was her sobbing. Natasha needed to stop crying, but she couldn't. She spent so long hiding her emotions, all of them, that she couldn't keep them from flowing anymore. She was always so strong, so cold, she tried to believe that she was blinded emotionally, but she wasn't and she knew it.

"Does that mean that Steve is important, but I'm not. I mean, if you didn't tell him that you're alive because you wanted to save his life, but told me, it means that I'm disposable."

She felt like slapping him on the face just to see if he would stop jumping to conclusions, but she didn't and she tried her best not to be irritated at him, "Sam, let me tell you something. Steve was seen with me in the streets of fucking Moscow, the place where I was trained, the place where all my enemies are, his life was in danger not yours, besides, I'm not even sure if they are all dead." She sighed, "Sam, you are my friend, you are one of my best friends. I know that I can count on you no matter what the situation is, you are a friend, you are an Avenger. And that makes you family. The only family I have and will ever have."

Sam was quiet. He surely didn't know what to say. It could either be because he was trying to understand the words she had just said or because he didn't know what to say. She didn't care. Either one was fine with her, she didn't care what he thought, she had just told him the truth, words that would never leave her lips again.

"Natasha..." He said her name thoughtfully, he closed his mouth and opened it again as if he was going to say something else but no words left his lips, he opted for a hug. Sometimes, an act like that meant more than what 100 words could express. She was surprised at first, but then she hugged him back.

**~X~**

In less than 3 days, she was healed, the serum was very useful after all. Her wounds were all closed, but there was one that still stung a little, the one on her leg. That had been a deeper cut. Natasha was finally back in business. She called Fury, explained the whole situation to him and set things up. She was back in working for him, now with a new name, Emma Foster. She had a back story, a bank account, an apartment and everything she needed covered by him.

Sam was her new best friend, she couldn't even talk to any of the Avengers, not Clint, not Tony, not Bruce or Thor or Steve. She was counting on Sam's ability to keep his mouth shut, because there was no way she could tell them that she was alive, not for a long time, at least. She dyed her hair blonde and followed Steve, she kept track of almost every aspect of his life, wishing she could be there, that she could talk to him, but she couldn't and all she could o was watch from afar.

That morning, she was sitting on her apartment, drinking coffee and eating a toast while reading the journal when she saw something on the obituary that caught her attention.

_'And I will miss looking into those beautiful green eyes of yours, seeing you smile and holding your hand. Though we are both old, you made me feel like I was young again. You are my best girl. You will always be and I will miss you for eternity.' _\- Steven Rogers.

Steve. He chose not to mention the name of the one who was dead, that was a common procedure in S.H.I.E.L.D, so she figured that Peggy was dead. Because of all the people she knew he cherished, Peggy was the only one who could've died recently.

That day was a specially painful one and, after she was done with all the paperwork, she went to a bar and drank and went home with a man. The next morning, she left before the sun was up.

**~X~**

"Natasha, it's been three years already. Don't you think it's time to tell Steve the truth?" Sam asked her.

"It's not like he cares anymore..." She told him, "He stopped caring a long time ago and so did I."

"Who says that he stopped caring?"

"He did so. Not to me directly, but in his actions."

"So you've been stalking him, eh?"

"Well, sorta..." Natasha muttered, "What I've been doing doesn't matter, I'm not discussing it, what we're talking about is whether he cares about me or not. And he doesn't. He has his own life with his own friends and Peggy."

"So it's all about her."

"No, I lost a friend. I lost all the other friends I had. People I cared about, people I love. Clint, Steve, Thor and even Tony." She lied, she couldn't have him knowing the whole truth, that she wanted to protect Steve, not only because she cared about him, but also because she loved him, because he was more than just a friend, "You are the only one I have left."

"Why don't you tell him, so you can have all our friends back, you can join the Avengers again and meet everyone."

"But they don't care anymore, they didn't even wrote an obituary for me. In fact, not even two days later, they wrote Peggy an obituary."

"Natasha, what are you talking about? They miss you, they miss you a lot. Clint, Tony, Bruce and Steve... Well, he's not the same anymore."

She had to admit that she did miss Steve and that the idea of meeting him and all of her friends again was very appealing, but she needed more time, just a few more days before she was ready.

"Tell me, why don't we go meet them this Friday? It's better if all of them find out at once."

"Yeah, it is." He nodded, "I'll set things up with them."

Sam left her place and she sat on the couch. She still had four days until the meeting. She went to the drugstore and bought red hair dye, the one that looked most similar to her previous color and went back from blonde to auburn. That way it would be less of a shock for them.

Natasha was nervous, very nervous, she didn't know how they would react and if they had missed her and If they would be happy to see her. She was so nervous that she didn't sleep that night or any of the nights that week. She kept imagining Steve's eyes and smile, even if he wasn't going to smile at her when he saw her. She doubted he would, she doubted that any of them would. Except for Clint. Clint was always happy to see her. And Thor too... And for the first time in her life she realized how much she loved them and how much she missed them. They were her family and she loved them. She swore to herself that she would tell them that as soon as possible. If they didn't kill her first for lying, that was.


	13. Meeting part I

**A/N: So, these next chapters will have a whole lot of angst. This one is just a quick update.**

**~Though I try to update in some sort of schedule, I find myself unable to do so lol. Either way, enjoy this chapter :3**

**R&amp;R**

**~X~**

Natasha even tried to sleep that night, but didn't seem to be able to do so. The thought of meeting her friends was, at the same time, frightening and exciting. When it was almost dawn, she managed to sleep for an hour, but she woke up at 6 a.m. She had breakfast, she ate only a bit. She wouldn't be able to eat too much. She had all that energy bottled up inside her and she had to do something about it, so she put on her gym clothes and went for a run.

She ran near the capitol, where she knew Steve liked to run, but he only got there around 9 a.m, so she had time. Natasha did around 40 laps running and stopped when it was 08:30. She sat on the shadow of a tree and stretched. She was all sweaty and her face was flushed, but she still hadn't released all that energy, she was still too nervous, she needed to run, she needed to punch something, she needed the time to pass quickly. And that wouldn't happen if she just sat there. She drank some water and left to the gym.

When she got there, she ran on the thread mill, practiced her moves on a punching bag, then she ran some more and lifted some weights, more than some of the men who were there even could. Then she ran some more and did the series again until they kicked her out of the gym, told her to come back the next day, because she would end up hurting herself if she continued to do that. Natasha sighed. Now she had nothing to do. She wouldn't run in the park again and she couldn't go back to the gym, so she went home.

The redhead had a bath and changed. She sat on her couch, tapping her foot and watching the hours slowly tick by. She didn't feel like eating, she didn't want anything in her stomach, she was so tense she might throw up if she did. Every once in a while, she checked her watch, hoping it was time for her to go and get ready, but it never was. She thought about her life and about how glad she would be to meet her friends again then she thought that they might not be happy to see her, that they might be angry at her for doing that – and she didn't have not even a single doubt that it would happen – and that they would leave her there and she actually considered the not going option, but she gave up on that.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, it was time for her too meet them. She had a bath, put on her makeup, jeans and a normal shirt and waited for Sam. They were supposed to arrive together at the bar and, at that time, the anxiety she felt was almost unbearable. She was a master at keeping calm, at being cold blooded in all kinds of situations. She didn't mind killing someone, stopping a terrorist attack or even torturing, she didn't fear that. Yet, she feared meeting her friends, she feared people who she was acquainted with. Or had been some time.

Natasha heard the doorbell, she opened it and found Sam.

"Hey, Nat." He smiled, "How are you?"

"Fine." She replied smiling back, she lied, she was nervous, too nervous.

"Good, so, I told them that I'm bringing a friend with me." He told her that for the hundredth time, "The task of telling them that you're alive is up to you."

"Right." She nodded, "Let's get going then. I don't want to make them wait."

"Okay."

They went there by foot. Her heels clicking when in touch with the pavement of the sidewalk. All the lights, seemed so much brighter, all the sounds so much louder and she felt light. But not in a good way, no. It was uncomfortable, a nervousness in the pit of her stomach that wouldn't seem to go away. They stopped in front of a bar, the neon lights on top of it, buzzed and she saw Steve's Harley Davidson bike parked in front of the establishment. She ran a hand through her hair and looked at Sam.

"Do I go in or do I wait here?" She asked for instructions.

"Stay here and I'll send you a message when it's your time to go there." He said and walked into the bar.

Natasha walked closer to Steve's bike, she could smell the familiar scent of the leather of the seat, the unmistakable helmet with a bald eagle on it. She ran her hand through the leather softly, enjoying the familiarity of that feeling for a brief second before pulling away. It was nostalgic and that magic moment, in which she remembered the good old times was interrupted by a beep coming from her phone.

Her heart beat faster against her rib cage, she was sure that her blood pressure seemed to be higher. Natasha took a deep breath. _'Natasha, you are strong, you have been in worse situations than this. You can handle this one. You can handle them.' _She thought to herself before running a hand through her hair and walking into the room with decided steps. She rubbed her hands together as she scanned the room searching for them. Then she spotted them. Clint,Tony, Bruce and even Thor. They were all there, gathered for a nice evening, everyone but Steve. Though she had Clint laughed bitterly at a joke someone told. His eyes were sad, he had bags under them. All of them looked awful, as if they had been grieving for her. Maybe she was guilty for their suffering. She looked down, avoiding everyone's gaze before making a detour towards the bar, she needed a drink to help her face the situation, help her face them.

She made sure that she wasn't seen by anyone and walked towards the bar carefully. Natasha looked down, she didn't know who was coming or who passed by. She bumped onto people hundreds of times, but only the floor seemed to be important to her. Then she bumped onto someone who was bigger and stronger than everyone else. He stopped and she had no option but to stop too.

"I'm sorry." He spoke and her heart skipped a beat, it was Steve. "Your hair... It's beautiful, it's just like the one from a woman I knew. I'm Steve, nice to meet you."

"I'm Natasha, Natasha Romanoff." Natasha said and looked up, gazing into his blue eyes.


	14. Meeting part II

**A/N: Yeah, another quick update. I just didn't want to leave you hanging like this and, as I said before, I can't seem to update in a regular schedule. What do you guys want to see in the next chapter? I want to know :33**

**R&amp;R**

**~X~**

"I'm sorry." He spoke and her heart skipped a beat, it was Steve. "Your hair... It's beautiful, it's just like the one from a woman I knew. I'm Steve, nice to meet you."

"I'm Natasha, Natasha Romanoff." Natasha said and looked up, gazing into his blue eyes.

Steve gasped lightly when he recognized her. In his eyes, she saw a mix of happiness, pain, sadness, anger and something she couldn't quite read, relief, perhaps. "Natasha?! But... What? You were dead!" He looked around, as if he was searching for an explanation, he blinked twice and hard to see if his eyes weren't fooling him and when he looked back at her, all she could see was pain in his expression. "I was worried about you, the first few days, but then I accepted the death of another friend. I was grieving for you, we were all sad because of your 'death'. Why did you do that to us? Do you not care about the pain we all went through?"

"I know, I just... I... Let me explain, please." She told him, she was nervous, she had no words to offer him at the moment. From behind them, she heard Clint exclaim, 'Oh My God, it's Natasha.' She could hear the sound of chairs being dragged, she could hear the murmur coming from their table and she had the feeling that she shouldn't have come in the first place.

"Right." He nodded inhaling deeply to calm himself, that was, indeed, a great shock to him, "Why don't we sit down at the table and you explain it to all of us?"

Natasha took a deep breath, one down, four to go. Well, not exactly, she still hadn't told him the truth, she still had to explain everything to him and make things right. At least, he knew that she was alive. She could feel him trying to hold back, words and actions, both of them, she knew, would come out harsh and brute and he didn't want them to be like that. She could feel ten tension in the air. The silence between them, always so comfortable, was now tense, strange.

When they were almost at the table, she stopped and watched as Clint stood up and walked towards he and hugged her. It was a bone crushing hug, but she hugged him back with the same strength

"Fuck you, Natasha, just fuck you." He whispered in her ear, "Don't you ever do this to me again."

Clint, he was always able to forgive her, but then, there was always the first moment, the one in which they were too shocked to even think straight. Soon, they would all be screaming at her and asking questions, it would be just like an interrogation. After everyone had hugged her, after everything was settled again, the realization and rage began.

"Natasha, why did you do that?" Steve was the first one to speak, "We are all really worried, we were all sad. We are your friends, you could've told us, at least."

"And what about me, Natasha? Did you substitute me for Falcon?"

"Yeah!" Tony exclaimed, "Why did he, of all of us, the newer Avenger had the right to know and not us?"

And they all started to ask questions at the same time, to speak and ramble about how sad and worried they had been and how wrong she had been for having done that to them.

"Guys, one at a time, I can't explain anything to anyone if you keep going on like this." She said, but they didn't hear her over their loud arguing. With every word they spoke, she got more and more angry and frustrated even though she had no right to be feeling that way. Then it reached a point in which she was so fed up about all that, that she grabbed Tony's glass and spilled his drink all over them.

"Hey, what was that for?" Tony asked wiping his face. Everyone in the bar was silent looking at their table. Well, she didn't expect anything less than that.

"Your discussion was too heated. I just thought I might cool it down a bit." She answered, there was a murderous tone in her voice though she had neither right or reason to use it.

Everyone was shocked, even Sam, well, they had spent too much time far from her, so they had forgotten how it was to live with her. She almost smiled, it was just like the old times, "Why don't you tell us your reasons for doing what you did?"

"Okay." Natasha took a sip of her drink to help her, she needed to strengthen herself emotionally so she wouldn't break down in front of them as it was with Sam, she couldn't allow them to see her in that state. "So, I was in a mission in Russia with Steve, we were hunting down a Hydra commander, he had that base in which he was making experiments with the Serum I and Steve took. They were improving it with particles of the Tesseract to create not only superhumans, but also godlike humans."

Apparently, the man we were chasing, was the same one that created the serum for me, he knew me and he discovered our plan. He tortured me with my past, he made me face it all over again and he threatened to torture everyone I loved. And by that, he meant you. I simply _couldn't _allow him to torture you, you are my friends, you are my best friends, you are my family, the only one I will ever have. And I love each and every single one of you. I couldn't stand seen you dead, seeing you hurt." She stopped and had another sip of her drink, she was at the edge of breaking down in front of them, she placed the glass on the table, the ice clinked on the cup and there was a muffled sound when the bottom of the glass hit the wooden surface of the table. She inhaled deeply and did her best not to allow her voice to break down. "I missed you, all of you and I have no words to explain how much it hurt me not to see you."

Everyone was silent for a moment, she didn't know why. Maybe they thought that she was victimizing herself, but she wasn't, she was simply telling them the truth and she didn't care about what they thought.

"Why was it that Sam could see you? Why was he the chosen one." Clint was the first one to speak.

"When I got to the U.S, I thought I was safe, but I was being followed by agents and I had to run from them, the problem is, I was hurt, I had deep cuts and the nearest place to where I was was Sam's place. When I got there, I had lost so much blood that I even fainted in front of him." She explained, "Besides, you guys are staying at the Avengers tower here in D.C, I couldn't have simply showed up there without putting every single one of you in danger."

"Natasha, don't you think that we can defend ourselves? I mean, if any threat came, we could have very well defended ourselves." Tony said.

"Tony, I have made this mistake a few times before and I've payed a high price for it." She told them, "I have did this to friends before, people I knew and cared about and I watched them die and I was at their funeral knowing that the fault was all mine. You underestimate this people, you underestimate me and you underestimate the Russians."

Everyone was quiet again. She couldn't have told them that she did all that because of Steve, she couldn't have them know. She couldn't have Steve knowing about that. "And maybe you'll never forgive me, maybe you'll never talk to me again, I just wanted you to know that... I... I love each and every single one of you. I love Tony's adorable dokrness and the way I feel comfortable around Clint and his sass and Thor and Steve and Banner. I love all of you and I missed you all and I have no words to express it."

Just then Natasha realized that there was a tear going down her cheek. But she didn't care. "It's time for me to get going." She told them and stood, not before placing a piece of paper on the table, "Oh, and here's my address if any of you are interested."

She didn't even gave them time to answer her, to make any comments about what she had just said before leaving the place. Natasha went back to her place. Her chest was tight as she walked back in the cold, she had done the right thing and that was what mattered. She got to her place, locked the door and kicked off her shoes before sitting on the couch. Oh, what would she do to have Clint by her side to hug her and told her jokes and Steve to share his warmth with her and sleep by her side.

She went to her room and put on her pajamas, she laid on the bed and closed her eyes, she slept, having no nightmares, nothing, all she could see in her sleep was the cold black void. The cold reality, she was alone.


	15. Forgiveness

**Chapter 15 – Forgiveness**

**A/N: I know that this chapter might look like Clintasha, but it's not, I swear! I'm just exploring their friendship. I think that's they're more of a brotp than an otp, really and they're just too good friends, they worry about each other and I can assure you that there won't be any romance between them in this story – I'm a Romanogers shipper, after all.**

**R&amp;R**

**~X~**

Natasha could swear that she had locked the front door and all the windows. Even after all that time, she was still sort of paranoid about the Red Room and Hydra, still she woke up with noises of someone breaking in. The person was very bad at picking locks, because she could hear the noise from her bedroom – or maybe her hearing was too accurate. She jumped off bed and grabbed the gun she had underneath her pillow before sneaking to the living room.

She stood at the blind spot of the door and waited for it to open before jumping in front of the assaulter. For her surprise, the person in front of her was Clint. Natasha dropped the gun. She should smile, but she was too confused to even do anything. He closed the door behind him and the look on his face was priceless, he was busted.

"And I thought I had done a good job when teaching you to sneak into places." She said and both of them laughed.

"I guess I need to practice some more." He told her, "Well, can I come in?"

"Yes." She smiled and allowed him enter, then he closed the door behind him.

"So, do you want some water or something to eat? I just got back from a mission, so I don't have much to offer you." She asked as she walked to the kitchen. He followed behind.

"Nah, it's okay, I just had breakfast at Stark's." He told her.

Natasha made herself a toast and sat with him in the living room. She was so comfortable around him that it was almost like nothing had happened. But then, they had already been really comfortable around each other, he knew secrets of her and she knew many of his secrets. And she knew that he would be the first one to forgive her and the last one to forget her.

"So, what's been going on with you?" He asked her all of a sudden.

"Nothing much. I've been working a lot with Fury and running... and punching things and well, people too." She shrugged and he laughed. She laughed too.

"Are you not going to ask what's been happening in our lives?" He shifted on the sofa so he was facing her.

"I don't need to. I've been stalking you from afar."

"What?!" He seemed surprised.

"Yeah, did you really think I would forget about you that easily?" She bit her lip, unsure if she had said the right thing, "Besides, I don't have anything to do with my free time."

"I thought so."

"When did I get that easy to read?"

"You didn't." He smiled, "I just know you too well."

"You do." She hugged him. She felt his body tense and heard him gasp surprised, she would have done the same thing if she was him. She just needed to have him close, to feel his warmth. It had been so long since the last time she had hugged him. He hugged her too and they spent a long time like that, as if to make up for the years apart. Clint... Clint was capable of forgiving even her worst mistake and she admired that about him, how he cherished his friends, how he cherished her and she wished she was capable of doing the same as him.

"I missed you _so _much, Clint. You have no idea." She breathed. He didn't reply to that. He didn't have to.

Unlike she thought he would do, Clint didn't ask her why she chosen Sam and not him, why she hadn't told any of them. Clint respected her and he knew, she thought a lot about every choice she made, even if she was using her instincts or intuition, he trusted her and he would never question it. And she knew that, he never told her, but she knew it. "I missed you too." whispered, "Don't ever do this to me again."

"_I won't."_ she thought, she didn't tell him.

"So, Nat, have I told you about this new bow I bought?" He asked her when she broke the hug.

"No, you haven't." She replied, "How is it?"

"Well, it's just like a normal bow, except that Banner and Stark made some changes on it." He told her and started to ramble on and on about how good it was and how they had changed it.

"Say, why don't we go test it together, I need some more lessons with a bow and arrow."

"Sure!" He nodded excitedly, "But, it has to be after 5 p.m, since I have to work until then."

Natasha groaned, "Okay and where exactly are we doing it?"

"At the penthouse in the Avenger's Tower. Tony made me a nice space to practice there, there is the wind and stuff so it gets harder."

"Right, see you at 5:00, then." She told him, "I have some business to take care of before that."

He smiled at her knowingly, he could read her better than other people, so she didn't have to go into further explanations about what she was going to do.

Clint left her apartment and a feeling of relief spread through her, it was good to have her best friend back, it was good to _be _back.

**~X~**

8:30. She left her place and went to the capitol. She warmed up and started to run. For 20 minutes she ran around the water mirror, when she was _really _warmed up, he came and began to run. Natasha followed him around. She knew he was fast, but she didn't expect him to be so fast. Yet, she was determined to do it. She had taken the serum too, she could reach him. One lap, two laps and she passed him.

"On your right." She shouted when she finally passed Steve by.

"On your left." Natasha heard him say a few seconds later.

"On your right." She quickened her pace.

"On your left." He ran by her and, that time, she couldn't compete with him anymore. He was so much taller. She didn't give up though, she kept running, trying to reach him, until she couldn't anymore. When she finally stopped, Steve stopped by her side.

"Hey, Nat." He greeted her, he was serious.

"Good morning, Steve." She replied.

"Thanks for explaining things last night."

"It was nothing. I owed you guys an explanation." She ran a hand through her hair.

"I thought about passing by your place this morning, but I figured you wouldn't want to be interrupted. Not by me, at least."

"Steve, you know me. You don't have to ask before dropping by. You never did."

"No, Natasha, I _used to know_ you."

Natasha stopped and looked at him, she didn't believe he had just told her that, he knew her very well, perhaps even better than Clint did. He had seen her in a very fragile state. It was way more than most people had seen of her, even more than her friends had seen of her. But those words cut her deeply, she was still in love with him and she was struggling to make things right again.

"I'm sorry for lying to you, Steve. I'm sorry for being such an asshole. I'm sorry for trying to protect your blonde American ass." She told him, "Is that what you want me to say?"

Steve smiled, "Yeah, that's what I wanted to hear."

She punched him softly on the arm, "You're a dork."

"I know." He answered and smiled at her for the first time. And, for the first time, she saw the spark in his eyes light backup and a feeling of satisfaction took over her. Maybe he had become snarky after spending so much time with her.

"So, have you found my substitute yet?" She asked as she stretched, he did the same.

"What?" He looked at her, "No way! Natasha there's no person who's a good as you. There's no way we could have substituted you."

"So, it's just you 4 men?" she laughed, "Who's Tony hitting on now? I mean, besides Pepper?"

"Well, actually, we are 5 men since Sam made it into the team. But no, Tony doesn't have anyone to hit on. Not before, he didn't."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm asking you to join the team again." He looked away as if he was too shy to ask her that.

"Really? Wow, of course! I would love to get back in the team!" She smiled, she thought they would never want her back in the team, why would they, really? She had lied to them, faked her death. She was an assassin and that, they could find on the phone book or even ask Fury to find one. Yet they chose her and that made her feel happy, that made her feel honored. "Steve?"

"Yes?"

"You don't ever, _ever _need an invitation to break into my place." Natasha told him and he smiled at her, she smiled back. "Well, now I have to go to work, if you'll excuse me."

"Yeah, me too." He nodded, "One last thing, Nat."

"What?" She stopped on her tracks and looked back at Steve.

"Are you doing anything tonight?"

"Nope. I'll just pass by the Tower later on, but I have no plans."

"Wanna do something?" He asked her, his cheeks were flushed, "Hang out at my place or go out or anything like that?"

"Sure." She had to suppress a laugh, hearing him using slangs was something she wasn't used to. Besides, she remembered the Steve that still talked like it was the 40s. Yet, though he had changed much, he was still that adorably awkward dork that she fell in love with.

"Okay." He nodded and started to leave.

"And, Steve." She called him before he was too far.

"What?"

"I..." She started to say, "I missed you. I missed you too much."

"Me too." He smiled at her.

"_Steve?"_

"_What?"_

"_I love you."_ \- That was what she wanted to say. But those words didn't leave her mouth. Not that day.


	16. Confession

Chapter 16: Confession

Stark's rooftop was cold, but it was nice. She didn't expect the decoration to be as it was, perhaps, coming from Stark, she thought it would be far more... elaborated, but then, it was Clint's space – The outside at least. The rooftop was divided in two parts, one covered, the training room, it had bright lights near the treadmills and the gym equipment and several compartments where they could train with their weapons against holograms – there, the lighting was adjustable. There was also an uncovered part, where Clint could practice his shooting with the real wind, exposed to the real weather conditions. For more that Stark could simulate rain and wind, it was never the same as being outside.

While she waited for Clint up there, Natasha tested the training room and watched the sun set with her legs hanging from the top of the tower. J.A.R.V.I.S had warned her about how dangerous that was, but she didn't care. She liked the feeling of the cold wind against her skin, it was cold, but she didn't care, everything seemed to be perfect at last. It was beautiful and it was perfect – perhaps it would be a bit more perfect if Steve was there with her. Natasha sighed somewhat sadly and heard the door behind her open. It was Clint.

"Hey, Clint." She smiled and him and stood, walking towards him.

"Hi, Tasha." He smiled back. Oh, how she had missed hearing him say that. "You know that it's dangerous to sit like that, right?"

"Yeah, I do." She laughed, "And how was your day?"

"Fine." He shrugged, he knew that he didn't need to tell that, "So, shall we get started?"

"Of course." She watched carefully as he opened the bag he was carrying and revealed a bow. It was folded, if she could even call it that way. He picked it up and shook it. Soon, it was the size of a normal bow and he was ready to shoot. "Nice." She nodded in approval.

"I know, right?" He seemed so excited. "I brought you one too. It's the previous one I used. It's not bad."

Out of the bag, he took out another bow, one that looked like it was the best one. He handed it to her and she did the same thing as him to "unfold" the weapon. Then, he got the arrows, the normal ones, not the ones with enhancement, they didn't want to blow up anything, after all. Natasha inspected the weapon and got a good grip on it, aiming at the bulls eye he'd set there and shot an invisible arrow at it. Clint laughed.

"What is it? I have to warm up." She asked smiling at him.

"Nothing, it's nothing." He rolled his shoulders and handed her some arrows.

"Why don't we do a competition. The person who scores more wins." She suggested. It would be a fair competition, she was good in that, he was great. Besides, she might even learn a thing or two in getting better at it.

"Sure." He nodded. "You go first."

Natasha positioned herself and took a deep breath lifting the weapon and aiming at the bulls eye. Slowly releasing the air, she let go of the tensioned string and hit it right in the middle. "Great shot." Clint nodded in approval and got ready to fire. He shot another bulls eye in less time than her, perfect shot. Well, she couldn't expect anything less than that from him.

She said nothing, she simply smile and nodded before shooting again. She hit the middle of the bulls eye again, but a little more to the side. Clint, on the other hand, shot through the first arrow. She wasn't surprised, that was something so Barton-like.

"Can you teach me how to do that?" Natasha asked. Her shots were almost perfect, but she could use some more practice, after all, she didn't want to be _almost _perfect, she wanted to be perfect, to be the best.

"Of course." He walked towards her ad stood by her side, she could feel his body pressed against hers he took her hand that gripped the string and pulled it, he aimed, she felt like she was one with the bow. Even though Clint was there, she felt it, she felt what she guessed he did when he was shooting. It was perfect, ecstatic. She fired and shot perfectly in the center. When he let go of her and she dropped the bow, craving for more of that, she saw Steve standing there, his face was crimson red. She didn't know why, she didn't have the slightest clue why.

"Hey, Steve." She smiled at him and handed Clint the bow and arrows. "We're grabbing dinner, right?"

"Sure, if you're not too busy..." He asked, jealousy dripping on his words. Jealousy?

"Nah, we're finished here." She shot Clint a look.

"Yeah, I was just teaching her a thing or two about shooting."

"We can still go if you want to. Because I'm looking forward to go out with you." Natasha told him and it was with much satisfaction that she saw his face light up again. "Let's go?"

"Of course." He nodded and took her by the hand. When they reached the elevator, he held the door open for her. It was good to know that he was still a gentleman.

"So, where do you want to eat?" He asked her. Natasha shrugged.

"Anywhere you want. I mean, you get to choose tonight, the last time we went out, I chose Italian." Natasha smiled, she still remembered their last night together, she had chosen Italian food and they went out and ate and he drove her to her place. It had been two days before their mission.

"Well, I would go for a burger, I found this really nice diner around here."

Natasha nodded, even if she didn't feel like having a burger, she would do anything for him. "Sure. I just need to pass by the bathroom and change." She motioned to her gym clothes, it had been a good idea to bring a change of clothes , after all.0

"Did someone say burger?" The elevator stopped and Tony got into the cabin.

"Yes, we did say burger. But she didn't say Tony, so get out. Tonight, I'm going to have dinner with Steve."

"Oooh." He raised his hands in defeat, "I didn't know, I'm sorry, red."

"It's okay, now get out will ya?" Steve asked.

"J.A.R.V.I.S, stop the elevator as soon as we reach the next floor." Tony told the A.I, it was, indeed easier to talk to the machine than to press the buttons, but, since Tony kept record of everything that was said, she'd rather press the buttons and not have her privacy invaded.

"Yes, sir." The metallic voice echoed through the small cabin and the elevator stopped. The doors opened and he left.

Steve sighed, "Thanks for telling him that, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to do so."

"It's okay." She shrugged, "Someone has to put limits on Stark, he's just a big kid."

Steve laughed and nodded in agreement. Natasha stopped by one of the bathrooms before twhey arrived at the garage and Steve motioned for her to climb on his bike after him. Natasha did as she was told and wrapped her hands around his chest, pressing her body against his, her head against his back, the red head could smell his scent. She heard the motor roar and felt the vibrations through her body as he started the vehicle and left the garage.

They were out in the street, she closed her eyes and felt the cold wind against her face as they sped and passed by the cars and trucks and buses trying to get to the restaurant faster since there was a lot of traffic that hour. They got there in no time.

The diner was packed, he had spoken the truth when he told her that it was a very good restaurant – well, she guessed so, since there was a line for them to get a table. It didn't take them long to sit and, when they did so, there was a waitress who gave them the menu. She was young and blond and dressed traditionally, as if they were back in the 50s. She kept looking at Steve and smiling seductively as he ran his eyes through the menu. She opened the menu even though she already knew what she was going to eat. Perhaps she just needed a distraction, something to take her eyes away from what wasn't hers.

She had to remind herself quite constantly that Steve wasn't hers, that they were just friends and that he could relate to anyone he wanted to relate and she didn't have anything to do with that. She kept telling herself that, she couldn't interfere, but when the woman leaned into the table in an attempt to expose her cleavage, she was unable to suppress it any longer. She was his friend, but she didn't have to stand that kind of situation.

"Steve, honey, have you decided what you're going to eat?"

Steve stopped, looking somewhat shocked at her and then he looked to his side, he understood her game. "Sure, baby. Um... I'll have a cheese burger and a coke." He said.

Natasha looked back at the woman and it was with much satisfaction that she realized that the woman's face was colored red and she was trying to recompose herself. A small smile appeared on her lips. It felt good, but wrong at the same time. Steve had the right to relate to anyone he wanted and she didn't have the right to do that. But she did anyway, because she couldn't stand it.

"I'll have the same, a complete cheeseburger and a coke, please." Natasha said.

The waitress wrote down their requests and went away as quickly as possible, leaving Steve and her alone.

Natasha had to admit that she was a bit scared of what he might say about what she had just done. He might be angry because of it, or he might not say anything. "Thanks, Nat."

"What?" She asked, just trying to confirm that he was talking about her intruding his private life.

"Girls have been hitting on me all the time, but I'm too polite to turn them down all the time and they end up having the wrong impression." He told her shyly. "Thanks."

"It was nothing." She smiled at him. "So, have you been dating anyone?"

"Um... No." He said.

"Not even Sharon? But you guys were so close."

"I know, well, we did date, but it didn't work out." He told her and she almost smiled, he was free. "I realized that I liked her, but it wasn't love. I didn't love her. My heart belongs to somebody else." He seemed to lose himself in his thoughts, in her eyes. And she lost herself in his. They were blue and deep as the ocean.

The sound of the the glasses being set on the table before them was loud and broke the moment. Natasha knew that the waitress would still be angry and ashamed, so she wasn't surprised by the violence. "Thank you." the red head said.

The waitress just nodded and left.

Natasha had a sip of her coke and so did Steve. They talked about life and how it had been without her and without him. He told her of his missions and about how devastated all of the team was when he told her that she was dead. "I even wrote you an obituary." Her eyes widened, so that hadn't been about Peggy. No, she had to calm down, she had no way of knowing it for sure, she had to wait to see was he was going to say. He opened his lips slightly, Natasha longed for the sound of his voice, but the waitress placed the dishes before them.

She had interrupted the moment, a moment that meant a lot to her, she was finally getting to know the truth behind everything, Natasha waited until the blond girl was out of sight and moved her eyes to his face again, she listened carefully as he spoke, "Yes, I did. It was published three days after I arrived. I wrote something about your eyes, I really like your eyes, Natasha."

She smiled and blushed a little, he pretended he didn't remember the exact words, but she knew he did, she could read him like a book. And that was his silent confession of love. The second one. He had already made it subjectively when writing the obituary, but seeing it in person was different and she didn't exactly know what to do with that feeling inside her. It was the first time in a long while that she felt it.

She was the first one to break eye contact, that sentimental moment had already dragged for too long, she couldn't go soft, not there. The last time that happened, the results weren't good. She had a bite of her sandwich as an excuse for not having to say anything. Steve almost mimicked her movements, taking small bites of his hamburger and small sips of his coke. She had the impression that he was doing it as slow as he could so he would drag that moment forever.

Natasha felt a mix of feelings, she didn't exactly know what to think. The moment was awkward and comfortable at the same time, it was weird. Steve made her feel, and she didn't want to feel. She wanted it to stop, but, at the same time, she wanted it to go on. She wanted to open up, tell him about how she felt and about her past, but she was unsure, insecure as if she was teenage girl.

The rest of the meal was made in silence and Steve insisted on paying the bill though she offered many times.

"So, um... I insisted that Clint had the paper where you wrote down your address, so I don't really know where it is. I didn't get the chance to read it." He told her when she climbed back on his bike.

Natasha laughed softly, almost a chuckle, "Massachusetts Avenue, NW. When we get there, I'll tell you which building it is."

"Fine." The powerful engine of his bike roared in the silence of the night and they rode to her place.

"There it is." She pointed to a luxury condominium.

"But I thought you liked small apartments."

"I do, but this was the only one available." Natasha didn't like big apartments, that one was surely coming in handy, though, there were many hiding spots and that was very good.

"Whatever." He shrugged, a hint of laughter in his voice and, though she couldn't see his face, she was sure he was smiling.

Steve stopped the bike and accompanied her to the door that led to the main entrance of the building.

"Thanks for the night, Steve, it was amazing." Natasha told him and smiled.

"You're welcome." He ran a hand through his hair, he was going to say something else, he was going to do something else, "I missed you, Nat."

"I missed you too." On the inside, she was disappointed, she was hoping for something else, something like a love declaration, well, if she was expecting something like that coming from Steve Rogers, then she was being childish, he was shier than a wild animal.

Then she hugged him, he hugged her back, she didn't want to let go and, even after she did, Steve still held her for a second longer. Then she started making her way towards the lobby, her heels clicking on the cement floor and her purse daring to fall from her shoulder at any time.

"Nat!" He called her and she spun to face him, her hair floating as she did so.

"What?" She asked him and watched as he walked towards her.

He didn't say anything else, instead, he captured her lips in a kiss.

**~X~**

**A/N: So, I think I've dragged it long enough, I have to add some more romance in this story, he has to know he's out of the friendzone and so does Natasha, I'll add a few more chapters until things actually get physical,**


	17. Confimation

Natasha was surprised by his gesture, very surprised. She would never expect him to make the first move, she'd always though that, if something was to happen between them, she would start it. But she didn't pay attention to that, she simply closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the moment. It was the second time that they kissed, but it felt so much better than the first time. And she relaxed in his arms, she allowed herself to enjoy the experience fully, as simple as it was.

She could have done that for hours, but he had to go and she to go too. So they broke the kiss and stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds before e kissed her again, this time a quick peck on her lips as a goodbye, 'Good night, Natasha." He said and walked away.

"Good night, Steve." her lips curved ever so slightly.

She stood and stared at him, watched his movements until he climbed back on his bike and left. Then she did the same. She entered the lobby, the doorman held the door for her to enter. He never looked into her eyes, but he always looked at her. She lived in the penthouse. Her apartment was indeed very big, bigger than any other she'd owned before. It was a waste of space, she thought, she had few things, few clothes, few furniture, few makeup, it was all disposable. Besides, she spent three years without having visits. All that space was going to waste.

The one thing she had a lot of were weapons. Fire weapons, knives, hand grenades, grenades, torture knives, bombs, everything. And, at least once a week, she sat on the black leather armchair facing the window and polished her "kit". From her window, she could see the entire city, the capitol, the obelisk and the Stark tower. For three years, she sat there and remembered her friends and all the good times they spent together, it almost made her cry. A couple times, she was so deep in thought that she cut herself on the blade she was polishing or sharpening.

Now, thinking of it, of how in less than three days her life had changed so much, she didn't feel like sitting in front of the window, she felt like going outside and enjoy the cool autumn breeze against her skin and smelling the scent of the fallen leaves. She felt as if all of her senses were sharper and she didn't know why. She actually had no idea. Not that time.

That night, she tossed and turned in bed, she stared at the ceiling and at the wall and at the window, but, as hard as she tried, she couldn't sleep. That feeling on the pit of her stomach, that happiness didn't allow her to do so. She tried to watch TV, she tried to play flappy bird on her phone – she ended up smashing it against a wall – she tried to make herself a sandwich, she tried everything, but nothing seemed to work. Not even the bottle of absinthe she kept in her drink cabinet for emergencies helped that time. Then she gave up on sleeping and sat on the bed. She made herself a cup of tea and sat outside, on the balcony and watched as the night turned into day. During those hours, she didn't think about anything, she simply enjoyed the taste of the Troika tea, the perfect blend of flavors and, when it was over, she watched the sun rise.

Natasha had to admit that she was waiting for Steve to call her, so, just as if she was a teenage girl, she waited by the phone, impatient the whole day.

**~X~**

**Steve's POV**

Steve was unsure of what he'd done. Was it the right thing? Those doubts followed him, they swam in his mind and he couldn't find an answer. Natasha, she seemed happy, satisfied almost. But she was so hard to read and it could be all just an act. He couldn't forget that she was an actress, a liar. She had lied to them all once, lied to him, so why couldn't she lie to him about being happy? It was so easy after all.

All those moments in Russia, he didn't know if they were lies, made up events just so they could seem to look like a couple. And the way he had kissed her that night in the hotel, they seemed so close, so close, yet so far from each other. Truly, Steve couldn't get drunk. He could drink as much as he wanted, but the alcohol would have no effect. He had drank vodka with her, but all he felt was his throat burning. He couldn't even begin to imagine how Natasha could like that. But the bitter taste of alcohol was replaced by the sweet one of her mouth. And that moment was perfect.

That night, he managed to sleep, but he woke up several times in the middle of the night all sweaty and panting and he couldn't remember his dreams. When it was four in the morning he gave up sleeping and started his routine earlier than usual, he had a shower and had breakfast before going to the training room of the Avengers tower. Stark and the rest of the team had insisted he moved there and he had to admit it was nice not being alone anymore.

He ran and punched until all the stress had gone away. His mind was blank. Every punch, every kick, sent a wave of ecstasy through his body. By the time he was done, he was empty again. Steve simply sat on the mat and drank from his bottle of water. He was exhausted. Maybe because of the lack of sleep, maybe because of the exercise or maybe because he was nervous. He ran a hand through his sweaty hair and looked at the clock on the wall. He had been there for four hours, so he went back to his room and had another shower. He felt like sleeping, but he shouldn't. He could not ruin his perfect schedule. He had never done it before and he certainly wouldn't do that for a woman.

"I told you guys, he overslept." Clint said when he walked into the kitchen.

"No, he didn't, Barton." Tony replied annoyed, "He ate breakfast before us."

"Stark's right." Steve said.

"Damn it."

"I guess I finally beat the investigator." Tony laughed.

"I'm an assassin, not a detective." Clint stood and walked away.

"Whatever you say, Legolas."

Clint stopped and looked back at Tony, "Don't call me Legolas."

"Fine, Katniss."

Steve heard Clint sigh and walk back to his room.

"So, Cap, how was it with Red yesterday?" Stark asked leaning back on his chair.

"Well, uh... It was fine." Steve played with his mug, avoiding the other man's eyes.

"Did something happen between you two?"

"No!" He exclaimed maybe a little exasperatedly, he realized he had made a mistake and cleared his throat before starting again. "No, why do you think that?"

Steve knew it was too late to fix his mistake, Tony already knew, "So, did you two..." he started making obscene gestures with his hands.

Steve blushed deeply, "No! Stop it!"

"Virginity saved with success."

"I-I'm not a virgin!" Steve stuttered.

"Whatever you say, Cap." Tony shrugged, but his eyes told Steve he knew everything. "I have to go now, but if you need advice, anything, you should talk to Legolas. He's Nat's best friend."

That was so unlike Tony, giving serious advice. He watched as his friend left the room. He was alone again. He knew he should call her. But he was nervous. He was trying to look like he didn't care, but he knew that it wasn't true and he also knew that he shouldn't play with feelings, especially not hers. He didn't know what to say and, even though he knew that if Clint knew the truth, he would be angry, but he had to ask him for advice.

"Clint?" He knocked on the purple door with the Hawkeye logo (a bulls eye).

"Come in, Cap." He heard Clint's voice say and opened the door.

His room was very simple. The walls were white and the ceiling was dark blue with moons and stars. By the archer's bed, there was a table and, on that table there was a photo of him and Natasha. They were both smiling and she wore an arrow necklace. For the second time, he wondered if he had made the right decision in going there.

"So, Steve, what brings you here?"

"I need some advice."

"And what can _I _help you with?"

"I need help with Natasha."

**~X~**

**Natasha's POV**

"Natasha!" Clint broke through the door, she simultaneously stood and closed the book she was reading with such strength that the sound echoed through the entire house.

"What the fuck, Clinton?!" She grabbed the knife attached to her leg.

"Why didn't you tell me that you're dating Steven?"

"Because it's none of your business."

"But we are best friends!"

"Clint, you are my best friend and I like you a lot. But I still have secrets. You have secrets, Steve has secrets, Tony has secrets. Everyone does, including me."

"So you _are _his girlfriend after all."

"Well, technically no."

"And how is that?"

"Well, we went on a date... and we kissed a couple times, but..."

"Then you're not his girlfriend."

"How did you even find out about this?"

"Steve came to me. He asked me for advice on how to make a move."

"So he said that I'm his girlfriend?"

"No, but the way he put it... It sounded like you were."  
"Right." She nodded and placed the book on the couch. She was just going to tell Clint to sit when her phone rang. It was Steve, she recognize his ringtone. She ran to get her phone and, without her realizing the archer left.

"Hey, Steve."

"Hi, Nat." He sounded far more confident than the night before, perhaps his little talk with Clint did help after all. "Are you doing anything tonight?"

"No," She smiled, "Are you?"

"I was planning on watching a movie here, do you want to join me?"

"Sure. Which one?"

"I couldn't decide, so I bought all three of them."

"Right." She laughed, "Well, we can decide when I get there."

"Good," He replied trying to repress a chuckle, "I'll see you at seven then."

"See you." She hung up.

Natasha wondered again if she was making the right choice, she knew that she loved him, but she couldn't go soft. But then, when she thought of it, both Steve and her were able to protect themselves. Maybe she was just seeing what she wanted to see, believing in made up facts because they were more pleasant than the reality.

She still had four hours until the date, so she didn't get stressed. Though he had moved to the tower, she knew he still owned his old apartment, the one thing she didn't know was if it was because of precaution or because he wanted privacy. She was fine with either one of them and, having apartments all over the country and the world could come in handy in a situation as the one they had found themselves in three years ago. She just hoped that nothing like that would ever happen again in their life.

In their line of work, all the safety in the world was never enough and she somewhat encouraged him to buy more houses and apartments and places where he could hide. She never really expressed the way she felt about it, but she was sure that he knew just what she thought.

There really wasn't much to do while waiting for the time to pass, so she went over some files for her next mission. She read quickly, so she had to read them a dozen of times before deciding to polish her weapon arsenal. It was weirdly therapeutic and she was halfway through it when she looked at her phone's clock and decided it was time to go get ready.

Natasha didn't exactly know what to wear. Steve, being a man, would think she had taken time to choose clothes just for him if she dressed up, but, if she wore something comfortable, she'd show him that she was comfortable around him and, to her, at least, that mattered very much.

She chose something pretty, but comfortable, not to fancy, not too sloppy. After all, she could always have a bit of both. She wore jeans and a looser t-shirt. Her hair was tied up in a messy ponytail. Since she was living farther from him than before, she had to drive to his place. Hopefully, Natasha didn't have any trouble parking.

As she walked down his hallway, she remembered that Sharon lived there and, though she wanted to show "Agent 13" that Steve was now hers, she couldn't risk being seen by no one else. She would have a lot of trouble to explain it all.

Lightly, almost uncertainly, she knocked on his door. It made a low sound, but he heard it anyway and unlocked the door. She was a little early, so he wore a thin white shirt, just like the one he had worn that time at Sam's and was drying his hair with a towel. Nostalgia struck her like a lightning. She didn't exactly know what to say, his degree of comfort around her was very high.

"Hi, Nat." He smiled at her, "Come in, please."

"Hi." She smiled shyly at him. Maybe it was her girly side showing, something more innocent than she let everyone see. Natasha entered his place.

Nothing had changed, not even the display of the furniture. On the small table in front of the LED TV there was a pile of three DVDs, all of them about the war. She knew the movies would be about that. "Flyboys", "Bastards" and "Empire of the Sun". Natasha didn't actually mind watching that, but she had some vivid images of the war. In fact, she had been in almost all of the XX century wars but the first one.

Natasha sat down, she didn't need an invitation, she was back in her natural habitat. "Well, I'll go put on a shirt, wait here."

"Nah, there's no need for it." She patted the seat by her side for him to sit there.

"If you insist." He shrugged, a faint blush taking over his face. "So, which one do you want to watch?"

"Um... Bastards, it seems nice."

"Okay." He obliged and knelt before the blu ray and inserted the DVD before sitting by her side. She knew that it was a movie about Russia back in the WW2, but she didn't mind.

Natasha actually wondered if he had chosen that one because of her. But then she dismissed the idea. He didn't know about her past, not even Clint did. And she also decided not to ask him about Clint.

The movie started. It was about orphans who trained to be soldiers in Russia by a millionaire involved in the black market. It was weird how much she could relate the story. Only she had fought older. She pitied those kids, she knew that it was based on a true story. She was the result of it. As they died, a strange feeling, like a knot on her throat tightened and she approached Steve until the point she buried her face on his arm.

"Nat... Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. The movie... It brings back memories."

"You fought in the war?"

She nodded, she seemed to be very interested in her story, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to open up and tell him her past yet. Maybe she was scared that he might judge her or see her differently. See her as a broken person, pity her. And she didn't want that. Natasha hated pity. She didn't need it.

That way, she simply looked back at the screen. Only that they were closer then.

"Steve, have you ever been drunk?"

"What?"

"Have you ever been drunk?"

"No."

"What do you mean? You've never drunk before?" She knew the answer to that. She knew that he had been drunk, he was by her side when it happened.

"I have, but I can't get drunk. My metabolism is too fast."

"Does that mean... Oh..." That night, the memories of Russia. Maybe those were the first good ones.

"Yeah." He nodded. She knew that he was aware of what she was saying.

The red head glanced at him. He was staring at her. Suddenly, the movie didn't matter anymore and he kissed her. The way their lips pressed was light, almost unsure, as if they were making sure that the the desire was mutual, if they were confirming that what happened the night before hadn't been only a mistake. And they both knew at that moment that it wasn't. He half parted his lips, allowing her tongue to enter his mouth, allowing her to take control. She was lost in his sweet tasting mouth again. The first time, it tasted like alcohol, but now it tasted like him. And she knew that he wasn't ready to take their relationship any further. And she was somehow happy. She felt like the teenager she had never been, making out for hours.

Steve broke the kiss and she leaned against him. He sighed in satisfaction.

"Nat?"

"Yeah?" She looked up at him.

"I love you." Her heart skipped a beat.

**~X~**

**A/N: I felt like I had to put his POV on the story, even if just once. To this chapter, I think it was crucial to tell how he felt and what he thought. R&amp;R**


	18. Private Weekend (pt1)

**A/N: I'm so so so so so so sorry for taking this long to post another Chapter. I just had this _major _block and ran out of ideas – and I spent too much time rping too, I'm not going to lie. Either way, thanks for putting up with me for this long and reading and reviewing and favoriting.**

**And, well, since there are so many of you here, I'd like to know what you want to read next. I'm thinking of putting some smut on the next chap, but pls, plot ideas :3**

**~X~**

Natasha stared into his eyes, he expected her to say those words back, but she couldn't and it hurt her to know that she would disappoint him on that matter. And though she knew in her heart that she loved him, there was something in her that restrained her from saying those three words that meant the world for both of them. Allowing them to leave her lips meant giving herself to him in heart and soul, something that had never happened before.

"Steve, I..." Natasha dropped her gaze, she couldn't face him, not in that moment, not when she was about to turn him down that hard. "I... I can't, not now. I'm sorry." She stood and left his apartment without even letting him have a say on her decision.

When she got to her place, she took off her shoes and laid on the bed. But she didn't sleep, she just stared at the ceiling questioning her decisions. She heard it so many times and she had answered with the same words just as much times, if not more. Yet, she feared them, perhaps because of the feelings they came with, because she was scared of feeling, of getting hurt.

The redhead found it funny, almost. During the past three years, she dreamed of hearing Steve saying he loved her. And Steve being Steve, she was sure he would blurt that out, after all, he only dated and kissed people he loved. She shook her head as if to make those thoughts go away. They didn't. Natasha, then, undressed and put on her pajamas before falling asleep.

The sun breaking through the window woke her up. Though it was still very early and the light very dim, she buried her face on the other pillow, wishing she could just sink in the bed and disappear, run from all her problems concerning everything, her personal and public life. But she couldn't. Unfortunately, she had a life, she had to face the consequences of her actions.

Natasha decided she'd had enough sleep and stood. Slowly she walked to the bathroom and washed her face with cold water to help her feel more awake. Then she had a bath and put on comfortable clothes, she didn't feel like doing anything, just sitting on the couch and watch TV. Yet, though she tried to tell herself that she didn't care, she feared that she ruined everything with Steve, the one man she loved and, maybe he wouldn't want to see her ever again.

And she waited by the phone, tapping her foot impatiently while she waited for his call, though she knew that he might not even pick the phone. She felt childish almost. Her eyes were turned to the TV show, but she wasn't registering what went on the screen and when her phone rang for the first time announcing his attempt of contact with her, she didn't know what to do, or, maybe she just lacked the courage and wouldn't admit it to herself.

The call ended and she sighed in relief, but then the phone ran again after only a few seconds. Then she didn't resist and answered.

"Hey, Nat." Steve's voice. It still made her heat flutter no matter how many times she heard it.

"H-Hi, Steve." She stuttered, "I'm sorry about last night, I truly am."

"Don't be, Nat, _I _am sorry. I shouldn't have rushed things."

"Steve" – she loved his name "I am the one who can't express my feelings. An even though I love you and I know you love me back, I just can't find a way of expressing it."

There was silence on the other side of the line and she wondered if she had said something wrong or upset him.

"I love you too." His smile was almost visible and then she realized what she said, and she couldn't help but smile too.

"Do you want to meet tonight?" She was hesitant.

"Sure, do you have anything in mind?"

"Well, there is something..."

"Please, tell."

"Stark lent me his private island for the weekend, I was planning on going there, care to join me?"

"Sure. When will we be leaving?"

"I'm just finishing packing," She lied "So... in about 30 minutes. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, fine. I'll go pack my things, bye."

"Bye."

Natasha got up in a rush and ran towards her room before packing everything she would need. Bikinis, shorts, shirts, etc. She put it all on her bag – 10 minutes – before swallowing her breakfast with a glass of orange juice. Then she slipped on her shoes. Stark had sent a car for her. She entered the car. To her surprise, Happy was the driver.

"Miss Natalie." He joked.

"Happy!" She smiled; why was she smiling? Why was she opening up to people like that? It made no sense, but she liked it.

"Where are we going? To the Tower?"

"Yeah." She nodded since Steve was living in the tower now.

The redhead leaned against the door and stared out of the window with a dreamy smile on her lips. She still hadn't got over the feeling of happiness that struck her. It was just so good to be back.

"Hey, Jarvis, would you please tell Steve that I'm here, please. Oh, and don't wake everyone up, I know it's still early." Natasha asked.

"Of course, Miss Romanoff." The A.I obliged, "Should I tell him to meet you at the heliport? Mr. Stark asked me to prepare a plane for you to fly there."

"Yes, please." She hopped into the elevator and pressed the button with an H on it, just as the A.I instructed. Before she got there, it stopped at Steve's floor.

When Steve entered the elevator, she smiled at him. He smiled back. He cornered her against the wall before looping his arms around her waist and kissing her lightly on the lips. "Good morning, Nat."

She had to admit that she was surprised, but then, Steve never failed to surprise, not only her, but everyone in the team, "Good morning, Steve."

The elevator doors closed behind him and, in no time they were at the heliport where, just as Jarvis said, there was a plane waiting for them.

"Do you know what island we are going to?"

"Well, I asked for the prettiest one, so I don't know."

"A Caribbean one, perhaps."

"Perhaps." Now that he brought the up that subject, it also started to bug her.

"We'll find out when we get there." Steve smiled.

They walked to the jet. Both Natasha and Steve were used to the military jets, so the couches and drinks and all that comfort was different for them. She took a seat next to the window and Steve sat by her side. He fastened the seat belt and the pilot announced the take off. Again, she could see just how uncomfortable he was, shifting on the seat and gripping the arm of the chair with strength.

Natasha placed a hand on his chest and kissed him on the lips. She felt him relax under her touch, he moved to a more comfortable positing for both of them. She ran a hand through his short hair and another one through his back as she explored his mouth. Yet, he still didn't have much practice with kissing. Her lips left his, but they were still very close. Now the plane was already in the air and he took a deep breath to calm down.

"Hey, Steve, I have a proposition for you."

"I'm all ears."

"You are a great kisses, but I want to teach you some tricks, would you be up for it?"

"Of course!"

"Okay then." She took a deep breath and wondered how to start. She kissed him, first their lips only touched, but then she parted her lips, he took the initiative to explore her mouth. Yet his hand were only placed on the small of her back. She pulled him closer to her and broke the kiss, not without biting his bottom lip.

That expression, the same one she had seen in Russia. He was turned on, if give a cue, he would take her right there. She had no objections, yet she decided it was better to wait until they got to island. They would have their privacy, a house just for themselves.

"Steve." Her voice was slightly deeper, "It's great, just try to move your hands a bit more."

"Like this?" He pulled her closer to her and kissed her again, he was eager to taste her.

Her breath was caught in her throat as his hands trailed her back and he got a good grip on her hair. Sh was melting on his arms. When he broke the kiss, she was his, she didn't care about waiting anymore, she wanted him right there. But she got her desire under control. "Exactly like that." She smiled at him.

He seemed pleased with himself. "We should rest, I have some activities in mind for when we get there."

Natasha felt a pleasant shiver go down her back. She rested her head against the seat and closed her eyes, allowing her body to relax. She only woke up when the plane landed.

"Passengers, welcome to Fernando de Noronha, enjoy your stay." The captain made himself heard when they arrived. Natasha stood and got her bags after Steve.

"Where is this place?" He asked as they walked down the corridor towards the door.

"Brazil. It's one of the most beautiful places in the world."

"Wow." He stopped as he looked out of the door. They had landed on top of one of Stark's houses right in front of the beach. The water was of an impossible shade of blue, they could see the reefs and the fishes. The nature on that place was indescribable, it just took her breath away.

They entere8d the house and though the sun was shining bright neither her or Steve seemed to want to got out and explore the beach or the place.

"Now, Natasha, we should get to those... Activities, I mentioned earlier." Steve said when they placed their bags in their room.

"Oh, we certainly should." She walked towards him and bit her lip. She could see just how excited he was.


	19. Private Weekend (pt2)

**A/N: Yo! If you are under 18 or simply doesn't want to read smut, then stop right there.**

**THERE IS GRAPHIC SMUT (NSFW CONTENT) IN THIS CHAPTER**

**You've been warned, so don't complain.**

**R&amp;R**

**~X~**

Natasha bit her lip and raised her brow, walking towards him, swaying her hips seductively. Steve's eyes roamed her body, she could feel him undressing her with his eyes. She knew what he wanted and so she obliged. Slowly, she took off her clothes, first her shirt and then her pants, his eyes never left her, she could feel him paying attention to her every movement. When she was only wearing her underwear, she walked even closer to him.

The redhead placed one of her hands on his chest and stood on his tiptoes, allowing her lips to touch his, they wasted no time, they were eager for each other, their tongues danced in perfect synchrony, everything vanished, it was just the two of them. For the first time, she noticed how she could feel his heartbeat how his scent filled her nostrils; she could realized for the first time just how sweet he tasted. They were very close, she could feel his warmth as she nibbled gently on his lower lip

Through his pants, she could feel his semi-hard length pressed against her thigh. She started massaging it. As she did so, she could hear the several small growls that left his mouth Natasha could feel it them on her own. Her lips moved to his neck, and, from there, to his earlobe, where she bit gently, making him let out another one of the small groans that she loved so much to hear.

She unbuttoned his shirt, taking her time and allowing her fingertips to graze his skin as she did so, she could feel his muscles tense and his heart racing. She wouldn't lie, hers was racing too. She slid off his shirt and ran one of her nails down his muscular chest, leaving a single red mark that led to his pants. Natasha unbuckled his belt, then, she unzipped his pants and they fell to the ground as she slid them off along with his black boxers.

Her focus was more and more on the area of his crotch, she stroke and massaged his bare length, pumping up and down. At first, she moved her hand lightly, then she got a firmer grip on him and the speed intensified. She could already feel the pre cum accumulating on the head, with her thumb, she trailed small circles on the head of his penis. Steve was almost begging for it, Natasha could feel the his pulsate on his hand.

Natasha's kisses went down, from his mouth to his chest, from his chest to his stomach she made him sit on the bed and then, finally, she was kneeling before him. She licked from the base to the head of his shaft, running her hand up and down as she did so. She moved the tip of her tongue in a circular motion. She finally put some of the length on her mouth. Natasha moved her mouth up and down, closing her lips around him and she could feel Steve's hand getting a firm grip on her hair. She looked up at him through her lashes, making eye contact.

His grip was harder, he was conducting her with his hands now. He was throbbing in her mouth as she pressed his dick against her palate. With another loud moan, she watched as Steve shut his eyes tight and came in her mouth, she couldn't help but smile lightly. His cum was thick and salty and she swallowed it before standing again and kissing him softly on the lips.

His breathing was still ragged and though his orgasm had been powerful, he was still hard. Natasha tried to take control, but Steve didn't allow it, pressing her back against the bed. His face was close to hers, she could feel his warm breath on her lips, his hands on her his and their eyes were locked. He smiled at her. He pressed against her inner thigh. Steve kissed her neck, his hands exploring her body and removed the few pieces of clothing still on her body and threw them to the ground.

For a moment, they were both stuck in silent contemplation, as if none of them actually believed in what was just happening. Yet, though it all seemed like one of her drinks, her – and his – arousal was impossible to deny. And, unlike so many other times, she didn't want it to be over. There was a slight moment of sanity, but it was quickly replaced by the primal instinct.

"You're mine." He growled on her ear, his breath tickled her neck where he left a hickey, claiming her.

Natasha felt a shiver and raised her hips, searching for some more friction, she needed him. With a single thrust, he entered her. Natasha wasn't expecting it, she let out all the air in her lungs in a soundless gasp. Her nails dug on the skin of his bare back as he started to move. A first, his pace was slow, but then he quickened it, all that could be heard in the room were the gaps and eventual moans.

But, as he was closer to his orgasm, he fastened the pace, it was quicker, harder and he went even deeper, hitting a spot inside her that made their moans louder. Natasha could feel her sanity leaving her, she was going into a state of pure bliss, one that built itself slowly, excruciatingly slowly, fogging her thoughts until all she could hear was the sound of his breathing on her ear.

Her walls started to clench around him. Her feet pressed hard against the small of his back, forcing him to go deeper. Natasha scratched his back, leaving long red trails. One more of his powerful thrusts was all it took for all of her muscles to tense before she reached her release. Her toes curled and she moaned loudly, such moan that filled every corner of the house, marking her brief moment of detachment from reality.

"Oх ебать, ебать, Стив!"

Now it was his turn. Using her body, she turned them so she was on top straddling him. One of her hands was placed on his chest, while she used the other one to pleasure herself fondling her breasts. She could see just how mesmerized he was by the sight before him. She raised her hips and moved in a circular motion. It took only a few minutes of that for him to take hold of her waist. His grasp pulling her down before he came inside her.

The sensation of warmth and fullness was extremely satisfying for her. She rolled to the bed and covered herself, resting her head against his chest. Steve was still trying to regain his breath when he turned to face her. A smug smile printed on his face.

"How did I do?"

"You know, Steve, it takes a lot to make me moan in Russian." Natasha smiled.

"I'm glad, then." Steve laid on his back again, for one second, he stared at the ceiling, "Second round?"

Natasha laughed breathlessly, "Of course!"

**~X~**

"You know, Nat, I could use some food." Steve sighed after the sixth – or was it seventh? - round.

"Food play? Already?" She raised a brow.

"No!" He gasped, "I'm hungry."

"Oh, just when things were starting to get interesting." She stood and looked around, the room was a mess, their cloths were thrown all over the floor along with the pillows and bed clothing that ever covered that bed. Natasha could feel Steve's eyes on her bare back. Then she got one of his shirts and threw it on along with her underwear. "I'm going downstairs to fix us something to eat."

"Mind if I join you?"

"Feel free." She disappeared out of the room.

The kitchen was fully equipped and there was food on the fridge. Natasha had to admit that she wasn't the best cook, not by far, but she could handle herself on the kitchen if she needed.

"What do you want to eat?" She asked him.

"I don't know. Pancakes?" He suggested, his voice told her he was approaching.

"Sure." Natasha got the batter and, with his help, they were done in no time.

**~X~**

"This was the best day in my life." Steve said with a satisfied smile.

"Yeah," Natasha placed her glass of wine on the table, "But the night hasn't even begun yet."

The redhead stood and got out of the house. It was already night and the sea breeze was refreshing after a whole day inside the house.

"Nat! Where are you going?" He ran towards her and hugged her from behind.

After a while, she got away from his embrace and ran towards the beach, "I'm going skinny dipping."

She was sure he said something, but she didn't hear it, because she was too far away. Or maybe she simply didn't want to hear whatever he'd said. She took off her shirt and turned to face her companion, signaling for him to come her way. He started to run too.

The warm water of the sea caressed her feet. Steve hadn't taken his boxers off yet. He stopped before her, lost in a silent contemplation of her, her skin under the moonlight. Natasha heard that before _'Your skin looks like it's made of china under the moonlight.' _With soft touch, he put a loose bang of her hair behind her ear. One of his fingers traced her lips while his other hand raised her face by the chin, in a gentle way of forcing her to look at him.

And he looked so beautiful. That was all so romantic. Natasha wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the lips, the sound of the waves and the scent of the sea made her relax in his embrace.

"Let's go." She smiled taking off her panties and running into the water.

"O-Okay."Steve stuttered, but took off his boxers. She dove into the water, refreshing herself, washing away everything she didn't want to keep.

Steve splashed after her. And they played like children in the water. They were careless, free, there wasn't a worry. And the only thing watching them were the stars blinking above, in the black of the night.


End file.
